Blue Eyes
by TaraAnyaKate
Summary: Chapter 24 is up...Are the Kovacs recovering or not
1. Default Chapter

****

February 24th, 2003

She was running on Empty. She was so god damn tired. Susan Lewis had been on call for thirty hours straight and she only managed to get one twenty minute nap and a quick sandwich front he cafeteria. She was going to run herself into a grave.

"And my hair is utter crap." Susan muttered to herself as she looked in her locker mirror.

"I wouldn't say crap. I would just say a mess." A familiar Croatian accent said. Susan turned and smiled at Luka.

"How do you say shitty hair in Croatian?" She asked. Luka laughed gently.  
"Lep andjeo ljekar." Luka said. Okay, so he just called her a beautiful angel doctor, but she wouldn't know the difference. "Are you off soon?" Susan nodded.

"Yeah, Finally." Susan pulled her jacket on, "I need some sleep. You?"

"Yeah. Sleep is nice." He said, "I would offer you a ride, but I don't have a car anymore. I can offer you a train ride partner." Susan smiled at Luka's sparkling eyes. She nodded.

"I would like that. Thank you. The train isn't too safe this time of night." She said.

"I know. I would feel more comfortable knowing you arrived home safely." Luka said, putting his scarf on. Susan smiled. Luka was so nice sometimes. She was happy to see this side of him. He has had a hard couple of months...and from what Abby has told her, he has had a hard decade and life.

"You ready?" Susan asked. Luka nodded and opened the door for her.

"After you." He said. Susan walked through the door. Jing-Mei told them goodnight as they exited the hospital.

"We're free." Susan said.

"Until tomorrow." Luka walked out into the cold with Susan. He glanced at her every so often. She was beautiful. There was no denying that. Susan looked at him as she sat down on the train. She smiled at him.

"What are you looking at me for?" She asked.

"I just think you're beautiful." Luka said. Susan blushed deeply and tucked her hair behind her ears, embarrassed.

"Well…Thanks." She giggled softly. He smiled at her.

"Did I embarrass you? You're all red." He said. Susan nodded.

"Yeah. Just a little bit." She said, "but it's all right. It's just its not every day a guy like you say I'm beautiful."

"A guy like me?" Luka looked at her. "What does that mean?"

"Just…You're very good looking, gorgeous in fact, and you have that killer accent…and smile…." Susan said, still as red as a cherry. "And I'm just me. Plain Jane." Luka shook his head.

"You're not plain. Why would you say that?" Luka asked. Susan bit her lip. She had already said too much.

"This is my stop." She said getting up. Luka nodded and followed her out of the train. Susan looked at him; "you don't need to walk me home." Luka chuckled.

"I'm a gentleman. Of course I need to walk you home." He once again flashed Susan his award winning smiled. She seemed to melt in her shoes. How could she resist that? She couldn't.

"All right. Thanks." Susan said. Luka nodded as he followed Susan off of the platform. She pulled her jacket tighter around her. Luka couldn't help his eyes. They glanced down at her rear. He smiled slightly. He glanced at her rear a lot at work. The scrubs looked good on her. Susan looked at him. "You're looking at my ass." She blushed again.

"No I'm not." He said. Susan laughed.

"You're a total liar, Luka." Susan said swaying her hips slightly. "Well, look all you want, Baby." Luka returned her laugh.

"You know, you're a lot funnier than I thought." He said.

"You think about me a lot?" Susan asked him. Luka smiled, knowing what she was doing. Luka nodded.

"More than you might think." He said. A tiny giggle emerged from Susan's mouth that made Luka shiver. Why hadn't he noticed how perfect she was sooner?

"This is my place." Susan said. Luka looked up to the apartment building. She took out her keys.

"Want me to come up?" Luka asked. Susan arched her eyebrow.

"No. It's all right. I think I have it from here." She said.

"Oh. All right." Luka said. Susan bit her lip with nervousness. Luka looked into her eyes. The street lamp behind them made her blue eyes sparkle. Luka's heart pounded as he took a step closer to her. He leaned down for a kiss but Susan paniced. She turned her head so Luka kissed her cheek. Luka cleared his throat.

"I'll see you Wednesday, all right?" Susan opened the door.

"Yeah. Okay." Luka said, watching her quickly go into the apartment and close the door behind her. He sighed deeply as he ran his hand through his hair. That had gone badly. He just wanted to kiss her, but maybe she didn't feel the same way he did. Luka walked down the steps. Boy, did he screw up.

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	2. Telling

****

February 25th, 2003

Abby walked down the hallway, patients screaming all around her. She needed two bags of saline. Suddenly a pair of hands grabbed her and pulled her into the supply closet.

"It's me." Susan said. Abby smacked Susan's arm.

"What the hell?" She straightened her scrubs, "Trying to freak me out?"

"No. I just need to talk to you big time." She said. Abby cocked her eyebrow.

"About what?" Abby asked. Susan closed the door.

"This is in confidence because we're friends and you have experience in this." She said.

"You're confusing me." Abby said. Susan took in a deep breath.

"Last night…Luka walked me home. We were having a good time and he leaned in…" She said. Abby's eyes widened.

"He kissed you?" She gasped.

"No. Well…I turned my head and he kissed my cheek." Susan said. Abby let out a soft laugh.

"Susan!" She laughed, "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. That's why you're here." Susan said. Abby shook her head.

"I dated the man once, but that doesn't give me the insight into Luka's brain. He's a mysterious person." She said, "What do you really want?"

"I don't know." Susan said.

"Are you looking for my okay to kiss him?" Abby asked her friend, "Because you shouldn't. If you want him to kiss you, then ask him to, but I've washed my hands of Luka. We're just friends now."

"You won't hate me if I act upon this?" Susan asked.

"No." Abby laughed. Susan breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good because all night I was cursing myself for not letting him kiss me." Susan said.

"Go for it. Luka is a great man. He just needs a strong woman to set him back on track." Abby smiled as she patted Susan's arm.

"I will." Susan was grinning brightly as she left the supply closet. She spotted Luka talking with a patient. She walked up to him, "Dr. Kovac, may I have a moment with you?"

"Certainly. I'll be right back." He smiled to his patient and walked to the corner with Susan, "What can I do for you?"

"I was an idiot." She said. Luka frowned.

"An idiot? Don't call yourself an idiot." He said, "Why would you say that?"

"I've wanted to kiss you for awhile now...just to experience your lips on mine and last night I had the opportunity last night and I panicked." Susan said. Luka stared at her; "I didn't want to panic."

"What did you want then?" He asked.

"I wanted to kiss you." Susan said. Luka smiled softly; "You care to go out for dinner tonight?" he nodded.

"Sure. I would like that." He said. Susan breathed a sigh of relief.

"Great. I'll see you after our shifts okay? I'll cook us dinner at my place. I'm an all right cook. If that's all right with you." She asked. Luka nodded.

"Sure." He grinned.

"Great." She repeated as she walked away. She was grinning from ear to ear. Luka sighed slightly when he spotted Jing-Mei.

"Jing-Mei, hey." He ran up to her. She smiled.

"What's up?" She asked.

"I'm going to have to cancel our dinner tonight. Something came up." He said. Jing-Mei nodded.

"That's fine. I was going to have to cancel myself." She said.

"Good. Maybe we can catch lunch sometime." Luka said.

"Maybe." Jing-Mei said.

* * *

"Don't mind the mess." Susan smiled as she flipped on the lights to her apartment. Luka chuckled softly as he looked around.

"It's a nice apartment." He said.

"Thanks." Susan smiled. "Take your jacket off. Make yourself at home." Luka looked at her.

"Do you really want to make dinner? We could order in. I'll pay." Luka said. Susan bit her lip.

"You don't trust my cooking?" She smiled.

"I do, but I would rather spend time with you while we're waiting for the food to arrive." He said. Susan nodded slowly.

"Al right. Chinese sound good?" Ceased.

"Perfect." Luka said. Susan went to the phone and hit speed dial. She called May's café all the time.

"Hi. This is delivery. Susan Lewis…yeah, hello. I'm fine." She smiled, "No. For two…yeah…Number two and four with an extra egg roll and duck sauce please…Great, thank you." Susan hung up. Luka chuckled at her.

"Do you order there a lot?" He asked. She nodded.

"Yeah I do. They have good egg rolls." Susan said. "Sit. My couch doesn't have cooties." Luka sat down.

"What are cooties?" He asked. She giggled and sat next to him.

"Never mind." Susan said, "So…You said you wanted to spend time with me before the food came…We have thirty minutes."

"Good." Luka said, "If I kiss you now will you panic?" Susan stared at him. She cleared her throat and shook her head.

"No." She whispered.

"Could I kiss you then?" Luka asked. She nodded.

"Yes. Please." She said. Luka smiled softly. Good, he thought. He had wanted this for awhile. He slipped his hand behind her head as he lowered his lips onto hers. Susan's breath caught in her throat. His lips tasted like the finest wine. Hers felt like soft rose petals against his. Susan was shocked he kissed so well. She slipped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

Luka took this opportunity to slide his hands around her slender waist. God, she felt so good in his hands. Susan opened her mouth inviting his tongue into her mouth. He didn't waste a moment. He said his tongue against hers causing a tiny groan to escape through her lips. Hearing that caused Luka to shiver and get slightly excited.

Why did Abby ever leave this man, Susan thought as she deepened the kiss. She was making out with the Croatian sensation. She leaned back against the arm of the couch so Luka was on top of her. She briefly opened her eyes to see his blue eyes sparkling down at her. Her heart skipped a beat and she closed her own blue eyes again.

Luka had to control himself from taking this too far. But he wanted to oh so bad, but Susan wasn't the kind of woman he wanted to sleep with and then throw away. He wanted to take his time with her. He began to kiss his way down her neck causing Susan to shiver.

"God, Luka." She whispered. Susan ran her hand through his hair, pulling him even closer. God, she wanted to sleep with this man. She wanted to feel her flesh against his. She groaned louder. Electricity and heat coursed through her body as the doorbell rang. "Oh god. Make it stop." Luka looked up at her.

"Me?" He asked. Susan opened her eyes and smiled.

"No. I never want you to stop, but the food is here." She said.

"Then we should stop." Luka sat up, "I'm hungry and I have an early shift." Susan stared at him fixing her lipstick.

"Oh…All right." She said getting up and walking to the door. He didn't want to sleep with her? Why didn't he want that?

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	3. Next step

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March 11th, 2003

So they had made out heavily one night two weeks ago. What did that mean? Nothing really. Susan and Luka really didn't talk about it the day after. Susan was disappointed that Luka didn't want to take things further with her. She would have to talk with him about it. She handed the cashier some money for her coffee. She saw Luka sitting at a booth, alone, eating some fries.

"Hey." Susan slid in opposite him. Luka smiled softly.

"Hey. How are you doing?" He asked her.

"Better now that I'm here." She chuckled, "I think I need to talk with you."

"About what?" He asked stuffing some fries into his mouth.

"Why haven't you had sex with me yet?" Susan asked. Luka choked on his fries and coughed loudly.

"Susan!" He cried, turning five shades of red.

"I'm sorry." She sighed. There was silence between them for a moment and then she looked back at him, "Why haven't you?"

"Because you're too good for that." Luka said.

"Too good for sex?" Susan frowned deeply. What the hell was he talking about? Luka nodded.

"Yes. I don't want this to be a short relationship, Susan. I don't want to have sex with you and get rid of you the next morning. You're too good for that." Luka said, "I want to make love to you, Susan. I want this to be special." Susan stared at him smiling.

"I feel like an idiot now." She said. Luka reached across the table and took her hand.

"Don't feel like an idiot." He said softly. "I didn't mean to make you feel like that." Susan smiled.

"No. You didn't. I did." She said. Luka brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it tenderly. That simple gesture sent waves of heat through Susan.

"Let's have a nice romantic date tonight." Luka suggested.

"Okay." She whispered.

* * *

Luka walked up the steps to Susan's apartment. He rang the buzzer. Susan buzzed the door without asking whom it was. Luka looked down at the bouquet of peach roses and jogged up the stairs. He knocked on the door.

"It's me, Susan." He said.

"Come in." Susan called from her bedroom. Luka walked into the apartment. He could already smell her lilac perfume. He grinned and glanced in the mirror. Okay, he thought, I do look nice. He did look nice. He was wearing a nice pressed suit.

"You still aren't ready are you?" Luka asked.

"I am. I just want to make an entrance." She said.

"Come on. I bet you look radiant." Luka said. Susan giggled and walked out of her bedroom and to the living room. Luka's heart stopped in her chest. She looked absolutely gorgeous. She was wearing a silky black dress with a plunging neckline. It left nothing to the imagination. Her hair was in a French twist, but a few curls framed her face.

"What do you think?" Susan asked softly. Luka cleared his throat and nodded.

"Radiant." He mumbled. Susan's blue eyes sparkled.

"You ready?" She asked. Luka held out the bouquet of flowers. 

"For you." He mumbled. He was just speechless the way Susan looked. Fuck the scrubs. Silky, clingy black dresses should be the new outfit in the ER.

"Oh! They're beautiful." She took them and walked to the kitchen. Luka looked at her legs. 

"Beautiful." He said.

"What?" Susan asked as she put the roses into a vase.

"The roses are beautiful." Luka said.

"That's what I think." Susan walked back out. "Are you ready?"

"You need a jacket. It's cold out there." He said Susan winked and grabbed her leather jacket.

* * *

Susan laughed softly as Luka led her blind folded into the restaurant. 

"You're going to get it, Kovac." She said as he removed the blindfold. Susan looked around the restaurant to see peach roses everywhere and a violinist was playing some music fort hem. "Luka…" He smiled at her.

"I wanted to make tonight special for you." He said to her.

"Oh it is." Susan whispered. He led her to the table and pulled out the chair for her. "No one has ever done anything like this for me." She looked at the roses. There had to be five dozen there.

"Well, get used to it." Luka smiled nodding to the waiter, "I preordered dinner. I hope you don mind." Susan shook her head.

"No. It's fine." She said, "You've made my day, Luka."

"I'm glad." He said. Soon, lobster was placed in front of both of them, "I hope you're not allergic." She shook her head with large eyes.

"No I'm not." She smiled putting the napkin on her lap; "This must have cost you a fortune." Luka shook his head.

"No. It was fine." He said, "It's worth it." Susan chuckled.

"You know. This is very weird." She said. Luka arched his eyebrow.

"What is weird?" He asked.

"Abby is my best friend and you're her ex-boyfriend." She said.

"And I suppose she told you a lot of nasty stories about me." Luka said. Susan shook her head as she cracked the lobster claw.

"No. She is all for me going after you." Susan said, "She has told me a lot of nice stories about you." Luka smiled softly.

"Nice stories. That's good. I don't want you running off." He said.

"Never." Susan said, "God this is so good. I haven't had lobster in so long." Luka nodded as he sucked on a leg. He wished it were Susan's. He laughed slightly.

"Me either. You don't get many good lobsters in Croatia." He said. Susan nodded as she watched him. She could tell he was thinking about something back in Croatia.

"What are your kids names?" She blurted out. Luka looked at her as he was taken off guard.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"Your kids. DO they have names?" Susan asked. Luka nodded.

"Jasna and Marko." He said. 

"Those are beautiful. How old would they be?" Susan asked. God I need to keep my mouth closed. Luka smiled softly.

"Jasna would be fifteen and Marko would be thirteen." He said. "Wow. I can't believe that. Time flies." Susan nodded.

"Yeah it does." She said. "Sorry if I brought up bad memories."

"My kids aren't bad memories." Luka smiled at her, "I don't mind talking about them. It keeps their memories alive." Susan smiled.

"My Niece, Suzie, She's seven." Susan said, "I can't believe it."

"You see her much?" Luka asked. Susan shook his head.

"No. I don't know where my sister took her." Susan sighed. "We don't have a good track run with kids don't we?"

"Apparently not." Luka chuckled. They sat there for a while eating and chatting about anything and everything. He leaned back and looked at her, "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Oh yes. I don't think I can eat another bite." She said.

"Should we head back home then?" Luka asked her.

"Sure." Susan's eyes sparkled.

* * *

Susan led Luka into her apartment. 

"I had such a good time tonight, Luka. We need to do it again." Susan threw her keys onto the table. Luka nodded.

"Breakfast tomorrow?" Luka asked. Susan smiled.

"Breakfast?" She asked. Luka took step towards her and placed his lips on hers. Susan sighed with happiness. Yes, Breakfast. Luka slowly ran his tongue along her bottom lip; still tasting the wine she had drank earlier. She wrapped her arms around his Luka and pressed her body tight against his. They fell against the wall. Luka chuckled.

"You okay?" He whispered.

"Oh yes." Susan said. "I'm okay. Should…Should we take this else where?" Luka nodded.

"All right." He said. Susan took his hand and led him to her bedroom. Luka smiled looking around her bedroom. Susan looked at him. She reached behind her and unzipped the dress. He stared at her.

"You sure you want this?" Susan asked, letting the dress fall to the floor. Luka's breath caught in his throat. She was gorgeous. Her body was perfect. He nodded.

"Oh yes." He whispered unbuttoning his shirt. 

"Good." Susan crawled onto the bed and looked up at him. Luka's heart pounded in his chest as he got undressed. Susan was a goddess. Susan returned Luka's admiration. His body was perfect. Every inch of him was perfect. She blushed deeply as he crawled onto the bed with her. The touch of his skin against hers made her groan. He pulled her body tight against his as he tenderly kissed her neck. "OH Luka…" She moaned.

Luka ran his hand across her body feeling every curve of her. Her skin was so soft. Her body felt like it was made for his. She was moaning his name as his hands explored her body. He pushed her thigh apart slightly ad he looked up at her.

"You okay with this?" He asked. She nodded.

"Yes. God yes." Susan whispered.

"Good." Luka whispered as he suckled on her neck. Both of their bodies soon joined to form one. Susan called out Lukas name several times. He hadn't expected this to be so wonderful, but his body cried out for release. His body went into pure bliss as he felt Susan quiver around him. God, he loved this woman. They made loved through out the night, loving being with each other.

March 25th, 2003

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	4. Asks

****

March 25th, 2003

Things had changed since they had made love. It wasn't a terrible change, but an utterly wonderful change. They were acting like two lovesick school children. It was a nice change of pace for both of them.

Luka watched Susan as she laced up the ice skates. She had told him that she skated. He was surprised. He never pegged her as the type.

"Come on." Susan jumped onto the ice. Luka chuckled.

"All right, Sweetheart." He went on the ice and took her hand. "Nice and romantic ice skating is don't you think?" 

"Oh yes, of course." Susan squeezed his hand as they started to skate. Luka watched Susan as they went around the rink. Her cheeks were slowly turned red, but her eyes were sparkling.

"I need to tell you something." Luka said. Susan looked at him.

"All right." She smiled. Luka licked his lips.

"Well, I love you." He said. Susan's heart pounded in her chest slightly. She smiled slightly at him and stopped skating.

"You love me?" She asked him. He nodded.

"I love you." He said, "I ah…I love you with all my heart." Susan started to giggle as she began skating again. Her blue eyes toyed with his.

"I love you too." She said. Luka returned her grin.

"You do?" He asked. Susan nodded.

"Oh yes." She said, "You make me very happy. It's been a long time since I have been in love and treated like this."

"You've been treated badly?" Luka frowned slightly.

"Well, not badly, but not treated like I was a princess like you treat me." She said. Luka smiled at her.

"You deserve to be treated like a princess." Luka smiled s he caught up with her. Susan arched her eyebrow, "What?"

"Nothing." Susan chuckled as they skated around the rink.

"No. Tell me." He said. Susan rolled her eyes.

"With the others…like Danijela and Abby, were you this sweet?" Susan asked. Luka chuckled flashing her his dimples.

"I think so. Danijela was a very kind spirit. She was my first girlfriend so I just wanted to show her the world." He said. Susan watched the happiness in his eyes. "I was her first boyfriend also so we both just wanted it to go perfectly. She deserved it."

"Great." Susan smiled, "And Abby?"

"Abby, well Abby was different. I tried to be like that with her, but she seemed to push me away. I don't know." He shrugged.

"You went out for awhile." Susan said.

"Yeah." Luka said, "Abby is a very hard woman to be with. More power to Carter." He smiled again.

"What?"

"Abby is my ex and Carter is yours." Luka said.

"Now they're engaged and we're dating." Susan chuckled, "that's kind of weird."

"But a good kind of weird." Luka said. Susan nodded as they sped on the ice. "Why don't we stop talking about our ex's?" Susan nodded.

"That sounds good to me." Susan held his hand tighter. She looked up at him, happiness singing in her heart. Susan couldn't believe this was her reality. This extremely hot man was in love with her.

April 9th, 2003

When you know it's the one, you know it's the one. Your heart goes pitter-patter thinking about your future with them. It excites you when think about the future children you may have. That was what Luka felt when he was with Susan. He loved her.

"What size ring do you wear?" Luka asked her. Susan looked at him.

"Seven. Why?" She asked him. Luka smiled and his eyes sparkled.

"No reason." He said. Susan shook her head as she put down her book.

"Tell me." She said. Luka chuckled.

"Well…If I ever want to propose to you I need to know your ring size now don't I?" He asked. Susan blushed deeply. Propose?

"You don't plan on doing that soon are you?" She whispered.

"Would it bother you?" He asked. Susan bit her lip.

"No it wouldn't bother me per say, Luka, but I'm not ready for marriage." She said, "Not yet at least." Luka nodded.

"Is it because it's me?" He asked. Susan shook her head.

"No. I know you're the one I want to marry someday." She smiled. "Just I don't know, we're still in the early stages of this relationship. I don't want to go too fast and fuck this up."

"We won't fuck up." Luka said to her. Susan shrugged.

"We could." She said. Luka nodded.

"Do you want to have children?" He asked. Susan looked at him startled. Children? She had never really thought about it.

"I suppose so, but I'm not that young anymore." She said.

"You're young." He chuckled. Susan smiled gratefully.

"Do you want children, Luka?" She asked him. Luka thought about it for a moment and then he nodded with a smile.

"Yes. Having children is an amazing experience." He said, "I want to do it again. I want to do it with you." Susan smiled.

"I would like that." She said, "I did a good job with Suzie." 

"I'm sure you did." He smiled at her; "I would love to meet her sometime." Susan sighed slightly thinking about Chloe.

"If I ever find her and Chloe again, you may meet her. She would like you." Susan said thinking about her niece and her trip to New York. Officer Boscorelli and Officer Yokas were so kind.

"Well, We can look for them if you want to." Luka said.

"No…It's all right." Susan looked at Luka; "You really want to marry me?" She asked him. He nodded.

"More than anything." He replied. Susan smiled softly, thinking for a moment.

"We should move in with each other first." Susan suggested. Luka nodded.

"You may be right." He said.

"I am right." Susan said, "I live in a nice house…You could move your things in…or just a toothbrush if you want." Luka smiled at her.

"Are you asking me to move in with you?" Luka asked. Susan shrugged.

"If you want to. I don't want to push you." Susan said.

"I will think about it." He said, "Your place is closer to work than mine." Susan nodded.

"And I'm a great cook. Okay, I'm not. I'm a terrible cook, but I can cook naked if you want." She said. Luka couldn't help but to laugh loudly. He loved the way Susan's mind worked.

"I might take you up on that offer." He said. Susan smiled.

"May I get back to my book?" Susan asked him. Luka nodded.

"Please. Go ahead." He said. Susan turned her attention back t her book and began to red. She wasn't really paying attention to what she was reading though. 

She couldn't help but to think about her and Luka. He wanted to marry her and have her children. That thought frightened Susan, but excited her at the same time. She sighed with happiness. God, their children would be gorgeous little creatures. Bright blue eyes, dimples and light brown hair. Susan chuckled and went back to reading.

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	5. Strawberries adn questions

****

June 1st, 2003

Luka picked up one of the boxes with his books in it. He grunted slightly. He was moving into Susan's house. She was really excited for this. She couldn't stop talking about it. Abby had been really supportive and even brought the first load of things to the house.

"Do you need help?" Susan asked walking up the stairs.

"No. I have it." He said, "There is a box of clothes in my room."

"Got it." Susan smiled walkig back ito the apartment. Luka started down the stairs as a sharp pain in his back cause him to drop the box

"Oh god." He grunted sliding to the ground. He couldn't move, "Susan. Susan!"

"What was that sound?" Susan ran out to the hallway and saw Luka. Her eyes widened, "Luka!" She ran to his side. 

"My back." Luka grunted.

"Oh god…" Susan said taking his hand. "Let's try to get you I bed. I'll massage it." Luka nodded as He slowly tried to get up. He moaned loudly, "I know. I know." 

"Hurts." He grunted as he finally made it to his feet. Luka drew in a sharp breath.

"You should have taken my help." Susan said as she helped him into the apartment.

"Wish I did." He mumbled loudly. Susan helped him into the bed. Luka moaned. Susan smiled weakly as she watched Luka settle on the bed, "This is what you do to me." Susan chuckled.

"This is what your stubbornness does to you, Dr. Kovac." She said as she straddled him, "You comfortable?" Luka nodded.

"As well as I can be." He said.

"Good. I'll massage you." She said running her hands down his spine. He grunted again but soon Susan's hands began to work into his skin. She had wonderful hands.

"I love you." He mumbled. Susan chuckled softly. "No I really do."

"I know." She said massaging his hips. He grunted again, but it wasn't out of pain anymore. He was enjoying her hands on his body. Susan smiled at him, "Are you enjoying this?"

"Yes." Luka whispered. Susan chuckled. She leaned down and kissed his shoulder blade softly. "You're turning me on."

"Oh really? What am I supposed to do about that?" She asked.

"If I could turn around, Susan, I would take you on the bed right now." Luka said. Susan slipped her hands beneath his hips. Luka gasped, "G-God, Susan." Susan giggled softly.

"I need to massage everything in order to make you feel better, My sweetheart." She whispered in his ear. Luka nodded.

"Feeling a l-lot better." He mumbled.

"Very good." She said kissing his shoulder again as her hand moved. Little groans escaped from Luka's throat. "Are you still feeling better?" 

"Very hot." Luka whispered.

"Oh my god!" Abby walked in and slapped her hand over her eyes, "I am SO sorry!" Susan and Luka both gasped. Susan jumped off of Luka. He would have jumped off the bed if he could have.

"I'm sorry." Susan blushed, "Luka threw his back out and I was just massaging his back."

"That wasn't his back." Abby said backing out of the room, "I ah…I am back with the car." Luka groaned as he pulled himself up.

"Okay." Luka blushed, "AH….We'll get the rest of the boxes in." Susan shook her head.

"You will rest in the car, Luka. Abby and I can get the rest of the boxes in." Susan said. Luka nodded and slowly waddled out of the room. Abby looked at Susan. She was a red as a tomato.

June 15th, 2003

Living together was utterly amazing but yet very weird for the two of them. Having someone to hold was great though. It was a feeling that both Susan and Luka had sorely missed.

"Can I get you something to eat?" Luka asked sliding out of bed.

"Mmmm. I don't know." Susan stretched as she looked at him.

"Fruit?" Luka asked. She chuckled.

"Grapes and strawberries." Susan said. Luka nodded.

"Sure. Hold on." She watched him as he left the room. God, he was so incredibly hot. How did she wind up with him? Susan pulled the blanket up around her as she sat up in bed. "I love you, Luka." There was silence from the kitchen then a small chuckle.

"I love you too, Darling." He said walking back out with a tray of the fruit.

"Can I ask you a question?" She asked him as he sat down.

"Sure, go ahead." He said. Susan sighed tucking her hair behind her ear like she always did when she was nervous.

"Why are you in love with me, Luka?" She asked him. Luka frowned, as she looked at the nervousness in her blue eyes.

"Why shouldn't I be in love with you, Sweetie?" He asked.

"Because I'm not the most attractive woman in the world. I have a lot of baggage. I work a lot. There are a lot of reasons." She said. Luka frowned even deeper as he put the strawberry down.

"Susan, you are one of the most gorgeous, goddess like women I have ever met. You are extremely smart and make me laugh." He said, "After Danijela died I never thought I would be able to love again, but then I met you and my views changed. I found a woman I wanted to marry and have children with. I' in love with you for good reasons." Susan stared at him, utterly floored.

"You want to marry me?" She asked in a soft whisper.

"Yes. I would love to marry you someday, Susan." Luka said "But I first want to get a nice rock on your finger." Susan laughed.

"I can't believe you'd want to marry me." She said.

"And have your kids." Luka said.

"Kids…." Susan smiled shyly as she grabbed a couple grapes off of the plate, "We'd have good looking kids, I suppose."

"Oh of course we would." Luka said picking up a strawberry.

"Feed me, Luka?" Susan giggled. Luka's eyes sparkled.

"Grapes or strawberries?" he asked her. Susan giggled.

"Strawberries are more romantic." She winked as she licked her lips. Luka pressed the strawberry to her lips. Susan bit into it and juice ran down her chin. Her tongue licked up what it could. Luka groaned watching her. God, she was hot. He leaned over and licked up the juice on her neck. Susan shuddered. "Romantic."

"Sexy." Luka whispered as he licked his own lips. Susan smiled as she opened her eyes.

"You tired for the last time we made love?" Susan asked. Luka shook his head.

"No." He mumbled, "I'm very not tired."

"Good." She let the blanket fall from around her chest. Luka swallowed looking at her body. He reached over to the nightstand but Susan took his hand. "No."

"No what?" Luka looked at her confused. Susan smiled at him.

"Forget the condoms." Susan said.

"Are you sure?" Luka asked.

"Yes." Susan said softly, "Whatever happens and I won't be disappointed." Luka stared at her. His heart pounded in his chest like you wouldn't believe.

"Okay." Luka whispered as he put the tray of fruit on the bedside table. Susan smiled pulling him down on top of her. She immediately started to kiss him. She was so turned on by all of this. If they created a child tonight then it would be great. But if they didn't, that would be okay too. They were having fun.

***

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	6. The role of Mother again

****

July 22nd, 2003

Luka watched Susan as she spoke with one of her patients. She was such a wonderful doctor and such a wonderful person.

"Put your eyes back in your head." Abby said walking up to the admit desk. Luka looked at her.

"Huh?" He asked her with a confused look on his face. Abby laughed.

"You're staring at Susan." She said. Luka shook his head.

"No I'm not." he said. Abby laughed.

"I'm not an idiot." She said as she crossed her arms, "So tell me, when is the wedding?" Luka chuckled as he looked at his chart.

"There is no wedding." He said, "Would you have a problem if we did?' Abby smirked, as she looked Luka up and down.

"Why would I?" She asked.

"because we dated and you and Susan are friends." Luka said.

"I think it's great to be honest with you.' Abby said, "you two deserve some happiness." Luka smiled at her.

"Great. Thanks." he said. Robert walked up to them and frowned.

"Is this a work place or a high school social?" Robert asked.

"gee, Mr. Romano, it sure feels like high school with all the drama going here at times." Abby smiled. Robert narrowed his eyes.

"Back to work, Miss Lockhart." he said. Luka chuckled as he stepped away from Abby and Robert and up to Susan.

"you free for lunch soon?" He asked. Susan nodded.

"yeah. Want to go to Doc's?" She asked. Luka threw the chart on the desk. She chuckled, "I take that as a yes." he nodded.

"yes. A major yes." He said as he took her hand. Luka led Susan out of the hospital and to the diner. "When we get married we should have Doc's cater the wedding." Susan laughed loudly.

"No docs, please." She said walking into the diner. Susan picked the booth in the far back of the restaurant. "I could go for a burger right now."

"A burger sounds great." Luka said, "Listen, I want to run something by you." Susan nodded.

"All right." She waved a waitress over. "Could we have two burgers with all of the works?" The waitress nodded and took the order, "So, run something by me Luka." He chuckled softly at her.

"I would like to go away with you for the weekend sometime." Luka said.

"Go away where?" Susan smiled She liked the idea of going away with Luka. It made her heart go pitter patter. Luka licked his lips when the waitress put their orders down in front of them. Docs was always fast, "Thank you."

"I was thinking maybe a nice romantic bed and breakfast." He said grabbing the ketchup off of the table. Susan nodded.

"That would be cool." She said as she ate a fry. Luka smiled, "Maybe in a couple of months we can do it. Work is so busy lately."

"Sure. That sounds wonderful. Maybe September or October?" He asked her.

"Sounds perfect." She said. Good, Luka thought, his plan was working. When they got up to the cabin or bed and breakfast, he would change their lives forever.

August 6th, 2003

****

Susan yawned as she sat on the El. She had have a thirty-five hour shift. Luka would be off in an hour, but he insisted that she would go home. She couldn't wait to strip and get into bed. The ride home felt three hours longer than usual. She slowly walked off the train. It was a warm night in Chicago. Susan loved these nights ever since she could remember. Her and Cookie would sit on the fire escape drinking lemonade.

"Those were the days." Susan chuckled as she walked up the stairs. That's when she saw three suitcases and a little blond girl sitting upon them. Susan's eyes widened, "Suzie??"

"Hi Aunt Suzie!" She squealed running up to her aunt. Susan felt a flood of relief when she hugged her niece. Suzie was safe. Suzie was in her arms and safe.

"Hi, Baby." She pulled away and kissed each of Suzie's cheeks, "Where's your mother?"

"I don't know." Suzie said. **Susan frowned deeply.**

"What do you mean you don't know where she is?" Susan asked unlocking the front door.

"She got out of the car with me and said to wait here until you got here." Suzie said. Susan couldn't help but to growl. That sounded just like Chloe.

"Did you say anything else?" Susan asked as she brought the suitcases in.

"She said to be good for you." Suzie said pushing her blond hair off of her shoulders. "I will be good, Aunt Suzie. I know how to make scrambled eggs." Susan chuckled softly.

"Maybe you can make them for us in the morning." Susan said. 

"Okay." Suzie said going to the spare room. Susan sighed softly running her hand through her hair. Susan was so happy to see Suzie, but yet she was completely. It pissed off. She would have taken Suzie in a heart beat if Chloe had asked, but she didn't ask. She just left her daughter on the doorstep. Would Luka be upset? Susan went into the room to see Suzie unpacking her things. She got everything into their drawers. Susan smiled softly.

"Did your Mommy give you a number where you could reach her?" Susan asked. Suzie shook her head.

"Was she supposed to?" Suzie asked.

"Yeah, but it's all right." Susan gave her niece smile. "I'll go get some dinner for us." Suzie nodded. Susan sighed deeply as she walked to the kitchen. She couldn't believe this was happening.

"Susan, you up?" Luka walked into the house.

"Yeah. In the kitchen." She said. Here it goes. Luka walked up to her and hugged her tightly.

"I thought you'd be asleep by now." He kissed her cheek.

"No, well, ah....there's something I need to tell you." Susan said.

"What's that?" Luka asked.

"Aunt Susan, can we have pasta?" Suzie walked into the kitchen and looked at Luka, "Oh sorry."

"It's all right." Susan smiled softly taking the child's hand.

"Who's this?" Luka asked. he knew who it was, but he wanted to hear it from Susan. Suzie's eyes sparkled with excitement.

"Luka, this is my niece, Suzie." Susan smiled, "Suzie, this is my boyfriend, Luka." Luka bowed down to the child.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Luka said kissing her hand. Suzie giggled wildly. Luka would never get tired of hearing children's giggles. It was one of the best sounds in the world.

"Nice to meet you." She said politely.

"She is going to be staying with us for awhile." Susan gave Luka a look. He understood.

"Well, I will be so happy to have her here. She seems like a very nice young lady." Luka said. Suzie giggled and ran off. He looked at Susan. "Chloe?" Susan shook her head.

"I have no idea where she is. She pulls this shit all the time, but I've had it." Susan said, "She's as much as a good mother as I am black." Luka smirked slightly.

"We'll take care of Suzie as long as we have to." Luka said, "it'll be nice to have her." Susan smiled softly. She thought Luka was going to freak about having Suzie here, but he wasn't. The look of happiness, but yet sadness told her how he really felt about this.

* * *

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	7. Cabin Fever

****

August 22nd, 2003

Things were completely different now that Suzie was in his life. He was happy all the time. he loved seeing her blue eyes sparkle with happiness when he tickled her. Suzie reminded Luka a lot of Jasna. They had the same exact laugh.

"Luka, can we go to McDonald's after wards?" Suzie asked as she sat upon Luka's shoulders.

"Do you know what they put in those burgers?" He asked.

"Luka, don't." Susan chuckled as she went through some racks of clothes. Chloe didn't drop much off of Suzie's. Only several outfits and toys.

"Sorry." Luka chuckled putting Suzie back down. he grabbed a dress that reminded him of one he had bought Jasna. He held up the blue plaid dress to Suzie. it brought her blue eyes out.

"I like it, Luka." She said, "Can I get it Aunt Suzie?" Susan looked at the dress and nodded.

"Sure, baby." She said, "Let's go get some shoes and then we can go eat." Susan led them into the shoe department where they all picked Suzie out a pair of sneakers and dress shoes. Suzie was thrilled to be getting all these new things.

"Mommy never got me new things." Suzie said stuffing her bags into the trunk of the car.

"Well, you're living with me now and I like spoiling little girls who behave themselves." Luka said. Susan stuck her tongue out and climbed into the car. "Ready for McDonalds?" Suzie nodded as Susan buckled. As Luka drove to the fast food place, Suzie talked their ears off. He loved hearing her stories. He had missed these moments. Soon they were in the line.

"Can I go play in the balls while you get my food?" Suzie asked.

"Stay where I can see you." Luka said as Susan walked to the bathroom. Suzie nodded and ran off. Luka looked back at the menu. he sighed.

"May I help you?" The cashier smiled.

"yeah. Ah...Could I have a number two with Diet coke, a ah...number three with Dr. pepper, and a hamburger happy meal with coke?" He asked as he handed her a twenty.

"it'll be right here." She said. Luka leaned against the counter and glanced at the playground. He couldn't see Suzie. He frowned as he scanned all the children. She wasn't there. he looked around the resturaunt hoping to see the little blond sitting in a bench.

"Suzie?" he called out. There was no response. His meals were put in front of him, but he ignored them, "Suzie?" Luka walked into the playground. "Suzie??"

"Sir?" The employee held out his tray.

"My....My daughter." Luka said, "Suzie, Where are you?"

"Luka?" Susan stepped out onto the playground.

"I can't find her." Luka said. his heart pounded in his chest. Suzie wasn't there. Panic started to tighten his chest when he saw her in the parking lot talking to an older man. panic soon turned into fury. He ran into the parking lot and grabbed Suzie's hand, "May I help you?" The man looked at him and smiled.

"No. I was just talking to the young lady.' he said.

"I don't care. If I ever see you near her again, I swear to god you will be singing soprano." Luka snapped an dpulled Suzie to the playground, "What do you think you were doing? I told you to stay where I could see you."

"He wanted to talk to me." Suzie said, "I know, I'm not supposed to talk to strangers blah blah." Luka narrowed his eyes.

"Don't pass it off, Suzie. you could have gotten taken again." Luka said, "you scared me." Suzie looked at Luka sadly.

"I didn't mean to scare you." She said softly. Luka sighed and kissed Suzie's head.

"It's all right." He smiled leading her to the booth where Susan didn't look too happy. Luka handed Suzie her food. That few seconds of not being able to find Suzie freaked him out. he though about his children, not being able to find Jasna or Marko. Now, he had Suzie and he had to protect her.

September 6th, 2003

Suzie had a baby-sitter and Luka and Susan were on their way to a wonderful bed and breakfast. She was so excited, but Luka seemed to be nervous about something and she couldn't figure it out.

"This is really away from it all isn't it?" Susan smiled as she stepped out of the car and stretched. The smell of pine filled her nose.

"Of course it is. We're going to have a wonderful weekend." Luka took their bags and led Susan to the main cabin where they had to sign in. There was an elderly woman at the front.

"Hello. Welcome to Shady Brook." She said.  
"Hi. I have a reservation for Luka Kovac." He said.

"Let me see." Constance Mulligan looked into the computer. "Yes right here. You're in cabin number five."

"Great thanks." Luka smiled as she handed Susan the key.

"Enjoy." Constance smiled.

"Thank you." Susan said as she walked back out with Luka, "I think that's the cabin right over there." Luka nodded.

"Lead the way." He said. Luka walked behind Susan. She unlocked the door and flipped the lights on. She gasped as she saw roses every where and rose petals on the bed.

"Luka..." She said.

"It's for you." Luka smiled, "I wanted this weekend to be special." Susan smelled some of the roses near the window.

"I love this." Susan said.

"I love you." Luka said. Susan's eyes sparkled.

"I love you too." She said.

* * *

A newly lit fire crackled in the fire place. Susan was heaven the smell of roses filled the air and she was warm by the fire. Luka had left her alone to get them some dinner. This was one of the most romantic places Susan had ever been in. Luka walked in.

"Chinese. I hope you're in the mood." he said.

"I'm always in the mood for Chinese food." Susan smiled.

"Good." Luka sat down next to her and put the tubs of food down next to them.

"Mmm....This is good." Susan began to stuff her face. Luka chuckled. Even with a mouth filled with Moo Su pork, she was still good looking. The flames lit up her skin. Made her look radiant.

"Yeah. It's very good." Luka said wiping his hands off, "I need to talk to you, Susan." She looked at him and nodded.

"All right. As long as I can continue to eat." Susan said.

"Sure." Luka said. he took in a deep breath. "I um...We've been dating for awhile now. We live together and now we have Suzie."

"I think we're raising her." Susan said. Luka nodded.

"Yeah, We are and it's great, but I want more." Luka said.  
"What do you mean that you want more?" Susan asked. Luka took that as his cue. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. Susan's breath caught in her throat.

"I want more. I want to take you as my wife. I want to see you in a white dress walking down the aisle towards me." Luka said opening the box exposing a extremely large diamond.

"Oh my god..." She whispered. This wasn't really happening was it? This was only a dream. it had to be a dream.

"Will you marry me, Susan?" Luka asked as he slid the ring onto her finger. it fit perfectly. her blue eyes filled with tears.

"Yes! yes!" Susan threw her arms around him, knocking him to the floor, "I'll marry you!!!" Luka hugged her back. She had said yes. he had been so afraid that she was going to say no. Now, they were engaged and on their road to spending the rest of their lives together.

* * *

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	8. Trying to Help

****

October 6th, 2003

Susan was engaged. It was an amazing feeling. She was engaged to an amazing person and she had a wonderful niece under her care. Things were going so well for them.

"So, should I be Susan Kovac or Susan Lewis-Kovac?" She asked as the two of them sat in the lounge. Luka smiled.

"I think it should be Susan Kovac." He said, "Is sounds fine."

"Yeah it dose doesn't it?" Susan smiled softly. She looked at her fiancee. "Do you want to eat out tonight?" Luka nodded.

"I don't feel like cooking tonight." He said. "We'll pick Suzie up and we can head on over to Williamson." Susan nodded.

* * *

"A table for three in non smoking please." Luka said.

"Right this way sir." The hostess said leading the three of them to the back to a booth. Suzie slid in and Luka slid in next to her.

"Do they have spagetti here? I could really go for some Spagetti." Suzie said. Luka chuckled and nodded.

"They have a lot of spagetti here, Angel." He said looking through a menu.  
"Suzie has the right idea." Susan said, "Spagetti sounds good."

"Told ya." Suzie giggled.

"You're just a smart little girl." Luka said as he glanced over the menu. Now that everyone was talking about spagetti, it's all Luka could think about. He nodded, "I think I might get that as well." Susan smirked.

"What a smart little boy." Susan winked as the waitress walked up to them.

"My name is Carmella and I will be your server tonight. What can I get you to eat?" Carmella asked.

"We'll have three pasta platters, two diet cokes and a small sprite." Susan nodded. Carmella nodded and wrote this all down.

"I'll be right back with your drinks.' She said.

"Aunt Suzie, Am I gonna be Suzie Kovac when you get married?" Suzie asked.

"No. Your Mommy is still Chloe." Susan said.

"Can't you don't me." Suzie said.

"Adopt." Luka corrected her.

"That's what I said. Adopt." Suzie said. Susan smiled softly.

"I would love o adopt you, but your Mommy still loves you." Susan said.

"If my Mommy loved me then why did she leave me with you?" Suzie asked. Susan bit her lip. "I'm tired of her being my Mommy. I want you to be my Mommy and Luka to be my daddy. I want to be in a real family." Luka looked at her.

"You are in a real family and I will always be your daddy." Luka said, "I love you like a daughter and that will never change whether Susan is your Mommy or Chloe is your Mommy." Susan smiled softly at her fiancee. Suzie nodded.

"I love you too." Suzie said as Carmella set their drinks down in front of them, "Can I call you my daddy even if it's just in private?" Luka smiled and nodded.

"If you want to." He said. Susan looked at him and smiled softly. Yes, he would make a great father for her future children. She couldn't wait to have them with him and experience Motherhood with his help.

October 20th, 2003

Abby watched Susan and Luka as they giggled in front of their lockers. They seemed to be really happy. Abby couldn't help but to be a tad jealous about it. She wanted to get married and be happy. If John wasn't so stubborn...or maybe it was her. Susan looked at Abby.

"You need something?" Susan asked.

"No. I just wanted to make sure you two were off and all your patients were handed off.' Abby said. Luka nodded.

"I cleared all of my patients." He said.

"Me too." Susan said. Abby smiled weakly.

"All right...Bye..." Abby quickly walked out of the room. Susan sighed.

"I'll be right back." Susan jogged out of the room. "Hey! Abby, wait up." Abby stopped in her tracks and turned around.

"Yeah?" She asked.  
"Is everything all right?" Susan asked. Abby nodded.

"Yeah. Why?" She asked.

"You just seemed a little...Weird." Susan said.

"Weird about what?" Abby asked. Susan chuckled.

"Me and Luka...For a moment you did." Susan said, "Fess up."

"I'm not weird about the two of you. I think it's great." Abby said. Susan arched her eyebrow. "I'm jealous is all."

"Jealous?" Susan chuckled, "Why?"

"Because I want to be where you and Luka are. I want to be married to John." Abby said as Kerry yelled for her, "I'll see you tomorrow all right?" Susan nodded. Luka walked up behind his fiancee.

"Is everything all right with Abby?" Luka asked.

"I have an idea." Susan said, "I'll be right back."

"What?" Luka asked.

"I'll be right back I said." Susan ran off. Luka sighed.

"This can't be good." He said.

* * *

"Carter, could you come out here for a moment?" Susan stood outside the room. John nodded and patted his patient's leg.

"I'll be right back." he said. John walked out into the hallway, "What's up?" Susan tucked her hair behind her ears.

"How serious are you and Abby?" Susan asked. John blushed.

"What? Why?" John asked.

"She's pretty sad." Susan said, "Why haven't you proposed yet? Abby is perfect for you and You are perfect for her. I want to see the two of you happy." John rubbed his neck.

"You want me to propose to Abby?" He asked.

"Yes." Susan said.

"I um...I have been thinking about it again." He said, "I um...We are going out to eat tonight."

"Do you want to marry her?" Susan asked. He nodded.

"Very much so." He said.

"Then you know what to do." Susan smiled and turned. She walked down the hall.

* * *

"Thanks for watching her." Susan handed the baby-sitter some money.

"No problem. She is a doll. I'll see you later." The baby-sitter smiled and left. Luka yawned as he poured some coffee.

"So what was all of that earlier?" Luka asked Susan.

"All of what?" Susan asked. Luka chuckled.

"The stuff in the hallway." Luka said, "What did you do?"

"I asked Carter to propose to Abby." Susan said.

"You what?" Luka asked. Susan blushed softly as she walked to the phone.

"I just pushed them towards the right direction." Susan said.

"You were meddling." Luka said.

"I'm not Scooby Doo." She said picking up the phone.

"Scooby who?" Luka asked.

"Never mind. Pop culture." She chuckled as she called Abby's cell phone. "Abby, it's me."

"Hey." Abby said as she sat in the car.

"So?" Susan smiled.

"So what?" Abby asked.

"Well, Where's Carter?" Susan asked. Abby frowned.

"He's home. I just dropped him off." She said.

"Oh." Susan said, "So he didn't...."

"Didn't what?" Abby asked. Susan cleared her throat.

"Nothing. I need to go. Suzie is up crying. I'll see you tomorrow." Susan quickly hung up the phone. She bit her lip and sighed. Did she just scare John out of proposing to Abby or did he just not want to do it just yet?

* * *

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	9. The Phone Call

****

December 20th, 2003

The Christmas feeling was in the air. Suzie was filled with excitement. She didn't believe in Santa Claus anymore, but she was still excited. Luka loved it. he loved loving Christmas again. He basically loved just seeing that look in a child's eye.

"I want a bike and a puppy and a doll house and the pregnant midge and a Care Bear and a porcelain doll and a bracelet and a jewelry box and-"

"Suzie, we heard you the first seventeen times when you asked for all of that stuff." Luka chuckled as he tucked her into bed.

"And I want some sunglasses and I was one of those crying dolls and I want a pony and I want a piano and I want a stethoscope." Suzie smiled.

"Is that it?" Luka asked her. Suzie nodded with a grin.

"For now." She said. Luka chuckled softly as he patted her legs.

"All right. Go to bed now, baby." He said. Suzie's blue eyes sparkled and she nodded.

"Night." She said. Luka kissed her softly and stood up.

"Good night, Sweetheart." Luka closed the door as he left her room. He walked into his bedroom and saw Susan wrapping one of Suzie's presents, "That's too small to be a pony."

"She's not getting a pony, Luka." Susan smiled and looked up at him, "Is she asleep?" He nodded as he sat down on the bed.

"Yeah, pretty much." Luka said.  
"Good." She said, "When we get married will you be an American citizen?" Luka stared at her. That just came out directly.

"Yeah. I suppose so." He said, "But that's not why I proposed."

"Well, I didn't think that was why you did it." Susan laughed, "I was just curious to how that worked." Luka nodded.

"When we get married or have a child, I become a citizen." He said. Susan smiled.

"We'll need to throw a huge party when that happens." Susan said, "It's a big deal."

"Yeah it is." He said. "I haven't really thought about becoming an US citizen." Susan looked at him as she put the scissors down.

"Do you want to be a US citizen?" She asked him.

"I think so..." Luka asked.

"You think so?" Susan asked with an arched eyebrow. Luka nodded.

"Yeah. I'll still be a Croatian citizen too." he said. Susan took his hand and nodded.

"You'll always be." Susan said. Luka smiled softly.

"Do you need help wrapping some of Suzie's gifts?" He asked.

"Always." Susan smiled tossing him some wrapping paper.

"She's going to have so much fun." Luka said, "it's been a very long time since I've hard to get up at the crack of dawn to beat the kids to the Christmas tree." Susan smiled tenderly at her fiancee.

"Did you guys have any traditions?" Susan asked. Luka shook his head.

"Nothing we haven't done here." Luka said, "We didn't have a pine tree though. We had a fake one. We opened up our ah...what are they called? Socks?"

"Stockings." Susan chuckled.

"Yeah stockings. We did those first and then had breakfast. We tortured the children by not letting them peek at the presents." Luka smiled at the fond memories, "It was really fun."

"It sounds like it." Susan said. It still felt weird to her that he had a whole other family before he made one with her. Would she always be second rate in the eyes of Luka? She didn't want to know.

January 3rd, 2004

It was a whole new year and a brand new start for Susan and Luka. They had finally set a wedding date. May 29th, 2005. It was far enough away to plan a wonderful wedding, but yet not too far away. It was perfect for both of them.

"Luka, do you like roses?" Susan asked. Luka glanced at her from the kitchen sink. he nodded.

"Yeah. Why?" He asked.

"I'm thinking about what kind of flowers I want at the wedding." She said. Luka chuckled.

"We have awhile until then." He said as the phone rang. Luka picked it up, "Hello?" There was silence for a moment.

"Is Susan there?" The woman asked.

"Yes. Who's this?" Luka asked.

"Chloe." She said. The colour drained from Luka's face. Chloe was calling? What did she want? He glanced at Susan.

"Susan, It's for you." He croaked out. She looked at him.

"Who is it?" She asked.

"Your sister." He said. Susan felt sick to her stomach as she took the phone. Her hands shook slightly.

"Chloe?" She whispered into the phone.

"Hey, Sue." She said, "How is everything?"

"it's nice of you to ask after all these months." Susan growled.

"I know. I just needed space." Chloe said, "How is the little one?" Susan took in a deep breath to try to calm herself.

"She is fine. She is growing up into a wonderful young lady and I don't want you near her. She in finally getting her life back." Susan snapped, "She has a mother and a father who treat her well." Chloe was silent. Luka cleared his throat.

"I know, Sue, you're a better mother to her than I could ever be." She said. "I am trying to clean myself up."

"Well, try harder Chloe and stop fucking Suzie's life up." Susan said. Chloe sighed softly.

"I just need to know you're going to take care of Suzie." She said.

"You didn't ask when you left her on my porch." Susan cried, "I will take care of her until my dying day. As far as I'm concerned, I am her mother and she's my daughter."

"Oh you think so?" Chloe asked.

"I know so. Good bye, Chloe. Don't call her again." Susan slammed the phone down. Luka looked at her.

"Is everything all right?" He asked his fiancee. Susan sighed.

"Chloe is on drugs again." Susan said, "I won't let her take Suzie back ever." Luka shook his head as he sat down.

"Me either." Luka said, "Everything you said was right."

"I know." She winked. "Suzie is with us and we're raising her right." Luka nodded.

"Yes we are." Luka said softly, "Do you want me to pick her up from school?" Susan shook her head.

"We both will." She said, "We'll go out for luncht hen."

"Sounds good." Luka smiled. He watched Susan's face. She was clearly distressed about the phone call. Would Chloe try to take Suzie away? he didn't think so but then again, he didn know her.

* * *

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	10. Choices

****

January 17th, 2004

The snow was deep outside. Susan, Luka, and Suzie were snowed in. They called into work and Kerry said it was fine because no patients were coming in. Luka took this opportunity just to be a dad and husband for practice. Susan walked into the kitchen still in her robe and slippers.

"Suzie wants to go out." Susan said.

"Make sure she bundles up." Luka said. Susan smiled as she sat on the counter.

"I've been thinking a lot since Chloe's phone call." Susan said.

"What about?" Luka poured his fiance a hot cup of coffee.

"Well, Chloe doesn't seem to care to be a parent anymore so I was wondering if it's all right with you, if the two of us could adopt Suzie." Susan said. Luka looked at her.

"You want to adopt her?" He asked. Susan nodded.

"Well, yeah. I've been more of a mother to Suzie than Chloe has ever been." Susan said, "I want her to have a proper family."

"Well, that's a big step, Susan." Luka said.

"I know. If you don't want to do it then we don't have to." Susan said, "It was just an idea."

"I never said I don't want to." Luka said, "I would love to adopt her." Susan's face brightened up.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really, but I think we should ask Suzie what she wants." Luka asked, "If she's opposed to it, then I think we should reconsider." Susan nodded.  
"Yes. I agree." She said. Susan glanced out in the living room. "I think she'd say yes."

"I think she'd say yes too but It's just nice to ask her." Luka replied. Susan glanced out the window for a moment. The snow was still coming down hard.

"Suzie, could you come in here please?" Susan called out. Within seconds, the blue eyed little girl came bouncing into the kitchen.

"Yes, Aunt Suzie?" She asked.

"Come sit down with Luka and I. We want to ask you some questions." Susan said. Suzie nodded and sat down. Luka and Susan sat in front of her, "How much do you like living here?"

"Oh! A whole lot!" Suzie beamed.

"Do you love Luka and me?" Susan asked. Suzie nodded.

"Yes. I love you guys a lot." Suzie continued to smile.

"Do you still love your mommy?" Luka asked. Suzie's smile faded. She hesitated for a moment. Then Suzie nodded.

"I love her but in a different way." Suzie said.

"How do you mean?" Susan frowned.

"She's my mom so I love her, but she hurts my heart so I cant love her the same way I love you and Luka." Suzie said.

"I see." Luka said as his heart broke and swelled for this child t the same time.

"All right. Luka and I want to ask you a question. Feel free to say no." Susan said, "Your Mommy isn't coming back."

"I know. I'm yours forever." Suzie said. Susan smiled.

"Yeah you are." Susan said, "Luka and I were thinking of adopting you which mean you would become our daughter."

"I know what adopting is." Suzie said.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but We would love to. You could keep your last name or you could have Luka's last name." Susan said. Suzie smiled.

"Luka has a cool last name." She said. Luka chuckled softly, "Would I have to call you Mom and dad?"

"No. That is strictly up to you." Susan said.  
"Cause I wouldn't call you Mom. You're still Aunt Susan." Suzie said, "But I would call Luka dad cause I don't have one so it would be cool."

"You can do whatever you want, Sweetheart." Luka said.

"So, would it be okay if Luka and I adopted you?" Susan asked. Suzie grinned brightly.

"That would be totally cool." Suzie said.

"Really?" Susan asked. Suzie nodded.

"I've always wanted to belong to a real family." Suzie said.

"Well, now you are." Luka hugged Suzie. This was a terrific decision for all three of them. It was what they needed.

February 1st, 2004

The adoption process was already set in process. There hadn't been any problem so far. Susan and Luka's lawyer had contacted Chloe and she signed away her parental rights. Now Luka and Susan were just waiting for things to be smoothed out with their lawyers. Everything looked great though.

"So, it's very serious now, huh?" Abby asked as she sipped her diet coke. Susan laughed.

"Wedding date and everything is all picked out." Susan said.

"I think it's great." Jing-Mei said, "One of us needed to get married."

"Who knows. You and Pratt may get married before Luka and I do." Susan laughed dipping her fry into some ketchup. Jing-Mei laughed loudly.

"I don't think Greg is the marrying type." She said.

"You two look nice together." Abby admitted, "Mention it in passing."

"Not yet." Jing-Mei said, "So, Luka was cool about the adopting thing?"

"He wants a family. Of course he was cool with it." Susan said.

"Has he had any of his nightmares recently?" Abby asked. Susan looked at her oddly.

"What nightmares?" Susan asked. Abby looked surprise.

"Oh! he hasn't?" Abby asked. Susan shook her head.

"No...What nightmares are these?" She asked. Abby sighed putting her sandwich down.

"When we were together he would often have these nightmares about the war and his family." Abby said, "They got really violent. Sometimes he had night terrors. It was very scary to watch. he would be drenched in sweat."

"That's horrible." Jing-Mei said.

"Wow." Susan said, "I don't think he's had them with me yet."

"I'd ask because they first started out as simple dreams and then they turned into nightmares and then night terrors." Abby said, "They would come in waves. He seriously hasn't had them?" Susan shook her head.

"No he hasn't." She said. "Maybe I should talk with him."

"I would." Jing-Mei said, "Night terrors are horrible things to go through alone." Susan nodded as she began to eat again.

"So," Abby said, "Who is going to be your maid of honor?" Susan laughed at Abby's attempt of changing the subject.

"I don't think I'm going to have one." She said.

"Oh you have to." Jing-Mei said.

"I think I'm going to only have two bride's maids." Susan said, "And I was thinking about asking you two."

"Us?" Abby asked.

"Why?" Jing-Mei asked. Susan laughed.

"If you haven't noticed, I don't have many female friends." Susan said, "You two are my best friends." Abby and Jing-Mei grinned brightly.

"I would love to." Abby said.

"Me too." Jing-Mei laughed.

"The wedding isn't until next year so don't gain too much weight between now and then." Susan winked.

"I can't promise that." Abby said, "I love myself some chocolate ice cream." Susan chuckled.

"You and me both." Susan said, "Don't get pregnant, Deb."

"Oh! I won't!!" Jing-Mei laughed.

"Riiiiight." Abby said giving Susan a look, "You know she and Greg will by the end of the year."

"One of us will." Jing-Mei said, "But it won't be me."

"Me either." Abby snickered. They both looked at Susan.

"I'm not saying a word. I might jinx myself." Susan smiled biting into the sandwich. Granted, it would be cool to become pregnant. her and Luka wanted to badly, but not right now with the whole adoption and wedding. They had too much on their plates for the next couple of years for that.

* * *

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	11. Nightmares

****

February 16th, 2004

Their first real Valentine's Day together had been wonderful. Luka took Susan out for a romantic dinner. He gave her a beautiful locket for her gift. Susan gave Luka a ring, sort of like a male engagement ring just so everyone knew he was taken. Afterwards they went to hotel and had a night filled with sex and passion.

"What should we do for Suzie's birthday?" Luka asked. Susan looked at him with a playful grin.

"Her birthday is in May." She said with a soft laugh.

"Yeah I know." He said, "I just want to start planning."

"I don't." Susan buried her face into his chest. Luka chuckled.

"All right." He said. Susan kissed his skin and looked at him.

"You had a nightmare last night." She said. Luka tensed up. 

"No I didn't." He said. Susan nodded.

"Yes you did, Luka." She said, "Abby told me that you had nightmares." Luka stared up at the ceiling. "Luka?"

"Nightmares are no big deal." He said.

"Yes. They re a huge deal." Susan sat up, clutching the sheet around her. "Nightmares aren't something to push away."

"Do you and Abby often talk about me?" Luka asked.

"Yes." Susan said, "Now talk to me."

"I don't want to." He said. Susan crossed her arms.

"Luka, you really need to talk to me. If we're going to get married we really need to have the lines of communication open." Susan said, "I want to know." Luka sighed deeply.

"I had a dream...that um...that troops came into our apartment and raped you and Suzie." Luka said. Susan detected sadness in his voice and rightly so, "They tied me up and made me watch...I...I couldn't do anything about it. I screamed for them to stop, but they didn't. They kept on raping you guys...until...until..." He closed his eyes tightly, "Until they murdered the two of you."

"Well, that's not coming true." Susan said. Luka nodded.

"I know that it's not." He said. "You do not understand what that feeling is like though...loosing your family."

"Yes I do. Maybe not in the magnitude you do, but I do." Susan said rubbing his back, "When Suzie was kidnapped, I thought the world had ended. Now I have her and I have you."

"I love you, Susan, so much." He said. Susan chuckled.

"I know you do." She said as a tiny knock came upon the door.

"Can I come in, Aunt Susan?" Suzie asked. Luka nodded.

"Sure you can." He said laying back down. Suzie pushed the door open and smiled.

"I can't go back to sleep." She said crawling into bed.

"It's all right. It's morning now anyway." Susan said kissing her cheek. "We'll get up in a few minutes and Luka can cook us breakfast."

"How about breakfast in bed?" Suzie asked. Luka chuckled.

"All right. I can make my two favourite girls breakfast in bed." He said sliding out of bed. "I'll be back soon." 

He moved out of the bedroom listening to Suzie and Susan giggle. Luka sighed deeply as he went into the kitchen. He wished he could be as carefree as they could. The war still haunted him and he knew it would haunt him for the rest of his life.

April 3rd, 2004

It was official. Suzie was theirs. Everything finally got through and she was now legally Susan Elizabeth Kovac. The three of them couldn't be happier.

"This sucks." Susan growled as She stitched up a patient.

"What sucks?" Abby asked with a smile.

"This whole wedding business does." Susan said, "Luka already wants to start planning. It's a whole year away."

"A year isn't that long." Abby said. Susan noted the amusement in her voice. "It'll fly by so you should start planning." Susan gave her friend a look.

"You're taking his side." She said. Abby laughed as she cleaned up.

"No. I know what I'm talking about, Susan." Abby said. "You need to find the perfect dress, the perfect cake, what you want to serve, where you want to have the wedding, where you want to have the reception, what band, and make sure the photographer is creditable." Susan stared at her.

"Wow. Vegas is sounding more and more good." She muttered. Abby rolled her eyes.

"Don't do Vegas. I want to be in the wedding." Abby aid.

"Oh yeah?" Susan laughed.

"Yeah I do." She said picking up a chart, "Don't forget that."

"I won't." Susan said walking down the hallway looking for Luka. She saw her Croatian sensation. She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him. "So, How do you feel about city hall?" Luka turned and looked at her. God, she was beautiful.

"City hall? It's nice...I guess..." He shook his head with a smile. Susan was weird sometimes."

"How about you and I get married at city hall in a couple of weeks? Doesn't that sound fun?" Susan asked. He looked at her shocked.

"I thought...I thought you wanted a big wedding." Luka said.

"I just want to marry you." She said, "I do not care when or where we get married."

"Everyone will be mad they missed it." He said. Susan thought about it for a moment.

"Then we can throw a huge party and celebrate in a few months. I just want to marry you, Luka." Susan said, "If you do not want to then we do not have to." Luka thought about it. He already had a huge wedding once in his life. He nodded.

"If it's what you really want, then we'll do it...In secret." Luka said.

"Thank you!" Susan hugged Luka tightly, "thank you so much."

"You're welcome." He chuckled softly. Susan pulled away from him.

"I should get back to work, but we'll talk more about this when we get home okay?" She asked. Luka nodded.

"All right." He said kissing her forehead. He watched her walk back down the hallway. He was getting married in two weeks? Oh god.

* * *

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	12. Changes

****

April 17th, 2004

Susan's hands were shaking as she ran a brush through her hair. Her and Luka were getting married today. it wasn't going to be a big formal thing. Just her, Luka, Abby, and Jing-Mei. Her dress was a simple white silky number. She wasn't sure how much make up she should where. She looked over at the girls who were sitting on her bed.

"AM I doing the right thing?" Susan asked.

"Yes." They both said in unison.

"He adopted Suzie." Abby said, "you two are in this for the long haul." Susan sighed softly as she pulled her dress on.

"I know I just....I don't want to be playing second fiddle here." She said. Jing-Mei and Abby looked at her oddly, "You know...Danjiela."

"Danjiela is dead." Jing-Mei said, "and it seems that Luka has accepted that now." Abby agreed with a nod.

"He will never stop loving her, but that doesn't mean he will love you less." Abby said, "I know how it feels to be compared to her, but...He's not doing that with you. He didn't want me to have his children really, but with you. God, you guys are going to have gorgeous kids." Susan blushed deeply.

"You really will." Jing-Mei said.

"Oh shut up." Susan giggled, "How do I look?" Jing-Mei and Abby smiled as they looked at their friend.

"You look beautiful." Jing-Mei said.

"So beautiful." Abby said.

"Let's hope I'm still beautiful when I make it to city hall." She said.

* * *

Luka sat in the hallway of city hall watching people walk by. he felt sick to his stomach. He was marrying Susan Lewis. he was a widower. he shouldn't feel like he was cheating on Danjiela. She was long gone.

"Luka?" Abby stood in front of him. He looked up at her and she laughed, "God, you're so pale. Are you going to throw up?"

"Maybe." Luka took in a deep breath, "Where's Susan?"

"Retouching make up." Abby sat next to him.

"I'm sure she looks fine." Luka said. Abby nodded as she looked at him.

"How are you? Everything okay?" Abby asked, "No second thoughts right?" Luka hesitated for a moment and then shook his head.

"No. I can't wait to make her my wife." Luka said, "but..."

"There are no buts." Abby took his hand. "She would want you to get remarried, Luka. She would want you to be happy again and have more kids."

"I know, but I still feel guilty." He looked at his ex-girlfriend. "I shouldn't though."

"No, you shouldn't." Abby said as Susan walked out, "look at her." Luka looked up and his eyes fell upon Susan. His heart stopped in his chest. She was utterly gorgeous.

"Wow." He whispered as he stood up, "Susan..."

"Ready to get married?" She asked. He nodded.

"Yes, very." He said.

* * *

The ceremony was barely a ceremony at all. The judge wanted them out as fast as possible. Susan wouldn't let his crabbiness bug her though it was her wedding day.

"Now, let's say these vows and exchange the rings." He said. Susan smirked and picked up the golden band. She was going to make the most of this.

"I, Susan Elizabeth Lewis, take thee Luka Nikolai Kovac to be my lawfully wedded husband through sickness and health, through richer for poorer and until death do us part." She said as she slid the ring onto Luka's finger. he smiled.

"I, Luka Nikolai Kovac , take thee Susan Elizabeth Lewis to be my lawfully wedded wife through sickness and health, through richer for poorer and until...until death do us part." he said. Luka looked at the ring as he slid the ring onto Susan's finger. It looked perfect. The judge muttered finally under his breath.

"With the power in vested in me and by the state of Illinois I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." he said.

"Finally." Luka muttered under his breath giving Susan's a wink. She smiled.

"Kiss me." She whispered. Luka pulled Susan against his lips. She kissed him softly back. They were now husband and wife.

May 15th, 2004

Suzie had just celebrated her ninth birthday. They had a huge party. They threw a circus themed party with horses and clowns. Suzie wanted an elephant too, but instead they played pin the tail on the elephant.

"Did she have fun?" Abby asked.

"God yes. I wish you could have made it." Susan said signing a chart.

"I know. Next year." Abby winked.

"She did love the Barbie though." Susan said, "Haleh, did those x-rays come back yet?"

"X-Ray is still backed up." She said. Susan groaned.

"What is with this place today?" She sighed as she walked to curtain area three, "Mrs.. Marshall, why are you here again? If I remember correctly this is visit number three for you this week."

"Yes, Dr. Lewis." She smiled.  
"It's Kovac. I told you that last month. I keep telling you to get new reading glasses or get someone to read the labels for you." Susan said, "How is your stomach feeling?"

"Better after the medication." Mrs. Marshall said, "Thank you, Dr Kovac."

"It was my pleasure." She said, "I'll be back to check on you later." Susan left the room, "Haleh?"

"Not yet." She said. Susan growled loudly.

"That's it. I'm going upstairs to check on them." Susan walked upstairs. Sometimes county was a terrible place to work, but it had a way of drawing people back. Susan knocked on the door of the x-ray tech's room.

"Come in." Connie said.

"Hey." She said.

"Dr. Le...Kovac, I know you have films here and I'm doing everything as fast as I can. As you can see, I am swamped." Connie said. Sure enough, Susan saw piles of films almost stacked to the ceiling. "I'm working alone here."

"Yeah, I just need those soon..." She turned and left the room. She wondered if she could handle being an x-ray tech. Susan chuckled as she headed back downstairs.

"Susan! Stop him!" Kerry yelled. Susan looked dup to see a patient rushing up the stairs. Susan put her hands up.

"Sir! Stop!" Susan commanded. The man grabbed Susan's hands and tossed her like a rag doll. Susan lost her footing and fell down the stairs. She hit her head on the ground hard. Everything went black.

* * *

Susan slowly opened her eyes. Everything was fuzzy. She grunted.

"Susan?" She tried to focus on the blue eyes in front of her.

"Luka?" She mumbled. He smiled softly.

"Hey, Darling." He said softly.

"What happened?" Susan asked touching her sore head.

"You fell down the stairs and hit your head pretty hard." Luka said. Susan groaned.

"Oh yeah." She said as Dr. Coburn walked in.

"She's awake." Janet said.

"Ah...Yeah." Susan said, "Why are you here?" Luka cleared his throat.

"I didn't get to that part yet," Luka said, "Kerry ran the regular tests and well, Susan, you're pregnant."

"Come again?" Susan whispered.

"You're pregnant, Dr. Kovac." Janet said, "I'm here to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby is all right after the fall."

"The fall..." Susan whispered. She wasn't really taking all of this in.

"Thank you, Dr Coburn." Luka said. She nodded as she started the sonogram. Susan looked at Luka.

"Am I really pregnant?" She whispered. Luka grinned brought.

"Take a look for yourself." Janet pointed to the screen to a small grey blob, "That's your baby."

"Wow." Luka said. Susan stared at it. She as pregnant. She was truly pregnant.

"The baby looks fine, but I want to keep you here over night." Janet said.

"When is she due?" Luka asked.

"Well, she looked around six weeks so....around Christmas." Janet smiled, "Congrats."

"Thank you." Luka looked at Susan. She still looked shocked. "We're having a baby, Susan." She looked at him with large blue eyes. They were filled with tears.

"We're having a baby." She whispered. Susan threw her arms around Luka, despite the pain in her head. They were having a baby.

* * *

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	13. BarfoRific

****

Note: This isn't a very long chapter. I just wanted a cute chapter of them enjoying the pregnancy.

May 29th, 2004

Week 8

It was unbelievable. She was pregnant. Susan had always dreamt of being pregnant. A baby of her own...Her and Luka's baby. Susan giggled softly.

"Our baby." She said. Luka looked up from the newspaper.

"What?" Luka asked.

"I've been thinking about the baby." Susan said.

"Good. Me too." Luka said, "I've been thinking about names. It's tradition for men in my family to have the middle name Nikolai."

"Luka Nikolai." She giggled, "I God, I can't believe you're thinking about names already."

"Do you like Nikolai?" He asked her. Susan nodded.

"I think it's a perfect name." She said.  
"I would really like to have names picked out soon." Luka said handing her a baby name book.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because it's my belief that life starts at conception." Luka said with a twinge of saddness in his voice, "I know better than anyone else does that life is a precious thing. I want my child to have a name if anything god forbid happens to it." Susan's face softened. She couldn't handle if anything happened to the baby.

"All right." She said picking up the book.

"Croatian or Russian names." He said. Susan smiled as she opened it up. There were already named highlighted.  
"All right." She laughed, "Alexandra...No. Alena. Mmmm...No. Annabella. I like that one."

"You do?" Luka asked.

"Yeah." Smiled smiled.

"I also have Bryna, Daria, Erica, Freya, Cora and Matilda." Luka was grinning form ear to ear as she flipped through the book.

"Well, how about..." Susan thought for a moment, "Annabella Joy and Dmitri Nikolai?"

"Are you serious?" Luka asked.  
"Well, yeah, Luka. you said to pick out some names and I did." Susan smiled with amusement "Don't you like?"

"I love." Luka said looking at her belly, "I can't believe you're having my baby." Susan blushed softly. She couldn't believe it either.

"Now, before you interrupt me again, I wanted to run something by you." Susan said.

"Okay." Luka chuckled as he gave her an apologetic smile.

"We're having a baby, " Susan said, "This is a two-bedroom house. We'll need something bigger."

"I know. I was thinking about that earlier." Luka said, "We'll go house hunting soon."

"Good." Susan smiled as she sipped her apple Juice. Everything seemed to be falling into place and going well. It was a little scary.

June 13th, 2004

Week 10

It was getting hard to button her pants now. Her stomach was queasy. her breasts were sore. She was falling asleep every single minute. She couldn't stop puking. Her hair was more oily than usual. This pregnancy thing was the worse.

"Move." Susan ran past Luka and into the bathroom. Luka stared at the bathroom.

"Susan? Are you okay?" Luka walked to the bathroom. He heard her coughing. "Susan?"

"Go away." She groaned. 

"I'm not going away." Luka said, "Can I get anything for you?"

"Make my morning sickness go away." Susan moaned. Luka opened the bathroom door and saw a very pale faced Susan sitting on the floor. He sighed softly.

"Let's get you in bed." Luka bent down and helped Susan to her feet.

"That's how we got into this situation in the first place." Susan mumbled. Luka chuckled as he walked her into the bedroom.

"I know." he said. Susan crawled into bed.

"Is this how Danjiela was?" She asked. Luka nodded.

"She was so dehydrated we had to take her to the hospital a few times." He said, "We're going to pump you with water."

"I don't really like water." Susan chuckled as she cuddled into the bed, "I should talk to Kerry about maternity leave and what I can and cannot do I guess...Does County give paternity leave?"

"Oh...I don't think so." Luka chuckled as he got next to her in bed. Susan smiled softly as she snuggled into him.

"Oh Well." She said, "Do you think the baby will be born on Christmas?" Luka shrugged.

"It's a possibility I suppose." He said, "It'd be nice."

"Yeah It would." Susan smiled, "Suzie is already telling everyone she's getting a baby brother."

"What is she going to do if it's a girl?" Luka asked.

"I don't know." She chuckled closing her eyes. It was so cool to see Suzie so excited for this baby. It'd be a long road ahead of them with Suzie asking when it was coming every seven seconds. "I'm so happy, Luka."

"Me too, Susan." He kissed her head. "We really need to go house hunting, Susan. I don't want my kids to be all cramped together." Susan nodded as she thought about it.

"When we have time off of work, we'll go." She said. Susan sat up, "A real house, Luka. I want a two-story house with a huge back yard and maybe a whit picket fence." Luka nodded.

"Well, you're going to get it." He said, "Maybe even a garage." Susan chuckled softly.

"A garage would be nice." She said. Luka rubbed her belly.

"We should have a movie night tonight." He said. Susan nodded.

"Sounds nice. A family night." She said.

"I'll go to the video store and get a movie. Then we'll pop some popcorn and curl up." Luka smiled. Susan's face turned green.

"Oh god." Susan slid out of bed. The mere thought of popcorn sent her stomach soaring. "Oh god." She bolted for the bathroom and began to throw up. Luka sighed softly. This was going to be a very long pregnancy if the sickness kept up.

* * *

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	14. Dinner and Cookies

****

June 27th, 2004

Week 12

Her morning sickness was starting to get a little better, but she was still queasy. Everyone was so happy when Luka and her announced they were going to have a baby. Kerry even talked to her about maternity leave. She'd get a few months. That'd be nice.

"Jerry, please page me when those x-rays come back." Susan sighed walking up to the desk, "That poor girl has been sitting in that room for way too long." Jerry nodded.

"Dr. Kovac, could I speak with you please?" Kerry walked up to Susan. 

"Sure." She said, "I'm all ears."

"I want you to take it easy." Kerry said, "No traumas." Susan's eyes widened.

"Excuse me? No traumas?" Susan asked, "That's ridiculous, Kerry. I can handle trauma."

"I don't want to endanger you or the baby." Kerry said. Susan was about to snap when she remembered Kerry's pregnancy. Her face softened.

"We'll be fine, Kerry. If Dr. Coburn tells me to stay away from traumas, then I will." Susan said. Kerry looked away. Susan smiled and took her hands, "What are you doing tonight?"

"Tonight? You're married and I'm seeing someone. I don't think e should go out on a date, Susan." Kerry said. Susan laughed.  
"Kerry Weaver cracking a joke." Susan smiled, "I'd like you do come over for dinner. We don't hang out enough after work."

"I think there's a reason for that." Kerry said.

"Nonsense." She smiled, "You're coming and that's final."

* * *

"She's what?" Luka's eyes widened, "no no no. I don't want Kerry here."

"But I want her here." Susan said, "I would like some girlfriends."

"What about Chen and Abby?" Luka asked.

"I want Kerry to have a couple of friends." She said, "She's eating over so there's no conversation we should be having here except what kind of salad you want me to make."

"Fine." Luka said, "I'll get Suzie ready and you can finish the food." Susan smiled.

"Thank you." She said. Luka muttered something under his breath as he walked out of the room. Susan grabbed a few plates and put them on the table. Just then the doorbell rang.

"You get it." Luka called out.

"Yeah yeah." Susan smiled as she walked to the door. She opened it and Kerry stood there, "Kerry, come on it."

"Thanks. Sandy told me to bring some wine but you're pregnant." She held up a bowl of fruit salad, "So I made this."

"Oh Kerry, thank you." Susan smiled and took the bowl, "Why don't you make yourself at home. Dinner will be done in a second."

"All right." Kerry flashed her a smile and sat down. Suzie bounded in with a grin.

"Hello." Suzie said.

"Hello there." Kerry smiled.

"Why do you have a cane? You're not old." Suzie said. Kerry blushed and chuckled.  
"Thank you." She said, "I have a crutch because this leg doesn't work like it's supposed to and it helps me walk."

"Oh okay." Suzie sat down next to Kerry, "You're a doctor huh?" Kerry chuckled softly.

"Yeah. I'm a doctor." Kerry said, "You're a doctor right?" Suzie began to giggle.

"No. I'm going to be a firefighter when I grow up." She said.

"My girlfriend is a firefighter." Kerry said. Suzie's face brightened up, "Maybe she would let ride on her engine sometime. I can ask if you want." Suzie nodded.

"Yes! Please!" She squealed. Susan walked out.

"Dinner is ready, ladies." She said. Suzie ran out of the room. Susan smiled softly at Kerry who looked to be settling in nicely. It'd be nice to get on the really good side of Kerry. Susan liked the woman. She hoped She'd let Susan in her life a little bit more.

July 11th, 2004

Week 14

Luka walked into the store. It was called baby Dreams and it just had opened up. He grabbed a cart and began to walk down an aisle. he planned on spoiling the baby today and surprising Susan.

"May I help you?" A salesclerk walked up to Luka. He hesitated for a moment.

"I need some unisex stuff." He said, "I don't know if we're having a girl or a boy yet."

"Certainly." She grinned, "We have a whole aisle dedicated to unisex items." She showed Luka down the aisle and to the next one, "Is this your first baby?" Luka smiled softly at the woman.

"My third...Well, my fourth I guess." He said.

"Four how wonderful." She said. If she had only known. Two of them were dead. "Well, here we are. I would recommend getting bottles and bibs first. If you're going to buy clothes, get them three months to six months. You never know what size your baby is going to be." Luka nodded.

"Yes. Thank you." He said looking at the feeding display. His credit card was going to melt after he was threw with it today. he grabbed a couple of three-packs of bottles. All clear so they could tell what was in them. Bibs would be great.

"Luka?" A woman said. he turned around to see Cookie standing there, Susan's mother.

"Mrs. Lewis, Hello." he said.

"Fancy meeting you here." She peered into his cart, "Getting ready for the baby?" Luka nodded.

"You?" He asked. Cookie laughed softly.

"Of course." She said. "Come. Walk with me." Luka stood motionless for a moment and then followed her to the clothing racks. "I haven't talked to Susan in two weeks. How is she feeling?"

"Fine." Luka said, "I'm trying to take care of her."

"You better." Cookie said, "She deserves happiness and you bring that into her life." She picked up a yellow jumper that had a giraffe climbing up the leg. "She's been through a lot of heartache."

"I know. So have I." Luka said. Cookie turned and smiled at him.

"So Susan has said." She told him, "I better pay for these things while I still have money on the card. Don't be a stranger, Luka. Come by for dinner sometime."

"I will, Mrs. Lewis." He said. She laughed as she walked to the cart.

"Call me Mom, Dear." She said. Luka nodded.

"Mom...right."

* * *

"Susan?" Luka walked in with seven bags in his arms.

"Holy Christ. What did you buy?" Susan asked taking to from him.

"Bottles, bibs, clothes, toys, books, everything." Luka chuckled. Susan peered into the bag.

"You're nuts. You know that? We're just going to have to pack this all up when we move." Susan said.

"That's all right." He said. "I saw your mother." Susan groaned.

"What did she want?" Susan asked.

"She wanted to see you. She misses you." Luka said. Susan sighed as she took out one of the shirts Luka bought. She placed it on her belly.

"I know." She said. "I just want to focus on you, Suzie, the baby, and me for now. I want to settle into our new home and then I'll work on my relationship with my mother, all right?" 

"All right." Luka smiled as he began to show Susan everything he bought. He knew Susan would make time for her mother one of these days. He had no right to be upset. He never spoke to his family and hadn't even seen them in a long time.

* * *

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	15. Surprise Visitor

****

July 25th, 2004

Week 16

Luka took Susan's hand as she got out of the car. She was cranky and hot and just wanted to get off of her feet, but they were house hunting.

"This house might be more to your liking, Dr Kovac." Olivia the realtor said to the couple. Luka looked at the house. The outside was very modern looking. It wasn't painted but rather had a wood finish. He liked that. Luka looked at Susan.

"What do you think?" He asked.  
"The front of the house is nice. Can we please go in before we jump to anything?" She asked. Olivia chuckled softly.

"Certainly." She said leading them inside. Susan's breath was immediately taken away. The inside didn't look a bit modern. It had an old fashion feel to it. It had a old country look too it.

"Wow. It's beautiful." Susan whispered. Olivia grinned.

"Take a look at the rest of the house. Upstairs is 4 bedrooms and a private bathroom." She said, "Over there is a newly renovated living room. The kitchen was newly renovated three years ago."

"Terrific. Come on." Luka took Susan's hand and led her up the stairs. Susan touched the oak railing as they slowly climbed the stairs. "This is gorgeous." Susan nodded as she walked into the master bedroom. Her eyes sparkled as she looked at the French doors that led out onto a balcony.  
"Luka, I could have never dreamed up a house this beautiful." She said looking out the window to the gorgeous view.  
"I take it that you like this house all ready?" He asked. Susan nodded.

"I think this is the one, Luka." She turned and looked at him, "I have a feeling about this place." He smiled and nodded.

"I did too when we pulled up in the driveway." Luka said.

"Oh!" Susan chuckled, rubbing her stomach, "The baby seems to agree. he or she is swimming around in there like mad."

"Then it's settled." Luka said, "We're going to buy this house."

"Wow." Susan chuckled as she took Luka's hand.

* * *

Susan sat on the wooden swing that was hanging out on the back porch. Luka had just finished signing papers. They were now homeowners. he walked out and sat next to her.

"Can you believe all of this is ours?" She asked. His eyes followed her gaze and he saw a deer bound across their large yard. He smiled softly and shook his head.

"No, but we deserve it." he told her. Susan smiled softly.

"Yes, We do." She said taking his hand. She pressed it to her belly. "I wish you could feel him or her moving around in there."

"Soon." Luka leaned over and kissed her softly. Her eyes sparkled when she looked at him.

"Luka, you've made all my dreams come true." She whispered, "I am so happy to be here with you. A new home, a new baby, everything." Luka smiled softly. Sometimes he loved pregnancy hormones.

"You've made my heart soar." Luka whispered kissing her again. Now, finally, things were going how they were supposed to. Happiness finally found Luka.

August 9th, 2004

Week 18

Susan was getting pretty miserable. The heat was getting to her. The air conditioner was always on full blast. She knew it'd only get worse. Luka was enjoying it though. So was Suzie. The two of them when swimming every day. Suzie was enjoying being part of a family.

"I'll make you some hot dogs for lunch." Luka said walking through the living room.

"Thanks. Make sure there's relish on them." Suzie said.

"Of course." Luka said checking the temperature. It was seventy degrees. Not bad, he thought as the doorbell rang. He sighed and opened the front door. His heart stopped.

"Hey there stranger." Carol Hathaway stood there.

"Carol!" Luka gasped. She laughed softly fixing a slipping baby off of her hip. "hello. What are you doing here?"

"We're in town for a month. Doug has a conference. I thought I'd look up a few friends. You, Carter, and Susan." Carol said, "You're the only one I could find."

"Wow." Luka said, "I guess you're in the right place." Suzie ran up to him.

"Daddy, want me to take the hot dogs out of the fridge?" Suzie asked.

"Sure, pumpkin." He said. Carol looked at Suzie as she ran away.

"Daddy?" She arched her eyebrow.

"Don't you recognize her? She's Suzie." Luka smiled.

"Lewis?" Carol asked.

"Kovac now." He chuckled as Susan waddled down the hallway.

"Luka, I heard hotdogs were going to be- Oh my god!" Susan saw Carol, "Carol!" Susan hugged her tightly.

"Oh my god." Carol laughed, "You're pregnant!"

"I'm married!" Susan said. Carol looked at Luka then back to Susan, "To Luka?"

"The one and only." Susan chuckled looking at the baby Carol was holding, "And who is this?"

"This is Mae. She's one and a handful." Carol chuckled, "Could we come in. I heard some hotdogs were going to be made and I think the girls are about to die from starvation." Susan looked back and saw Tess and Kate kicking rocks down the driveway.

"They're so big." Susan smiled.

"They're almost five." Carol chuckled.

* * *

The three adults settled on the back porch as they watched the older three kids play in the back yard. Mae was inside napping.

"I can't believe how much we've changed." Susan said.

"I can't believe you're married to Luka. No offence." Carol said.

"None taken." He said, "I can't believe she married me." Susan stared at the twins.

"They look so much like Doug." She stated. Carol nodded and chuckled.

"Scary isn't it?" She smiled, "They act completely like him too."

"Sad." Susan cackled as she shook her head. Her hands caressed the swell of her belly, "Man, we had some fun at work when you were there." Carol nodded.

"We sure got into trouble." She said looking at her, "Do you know what you're having?" Luka shook his head.

"We're going to try to wait." He said, "But it'll be Dmitri if it's a boy and Annabella if it's a girl."

"Perfect." Carol said. Susan reached over and squeezed Carol's hand.  
"It's so nice to have you guys in town. I've missed you a lot." She said.

"I've missed you too." Carol said. It's true, both lost contact with each other once Carol relocated to Seattle, but now she was here and they could catch up for the next couple weeks.

* * *

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	16. Moving on

****

August 23rd, 2004

Week 20

Man, it was so nice to have Carol around. Susan had really missed her. Lunches and dinners with her best friend had been so wonderful.

"I hate that I'm leaving tomorrow." Carol said as the women walked down the street.

"You need to think about moving back to Chicago." Susan said.

"I don't think Doug would like that." She said.

"Who cares. He didn't even come to Mark's funeral. he needs to come back home." Susan said, "I want you to see the baby. I want to see your girls grow up." Carol smiled softly.

"I'll talk to him about it." She sighed, "how was it?"

"What?" Susan asked.

"Mark's last moments..." She said.

"You two should have been here." Susan said with a sad look in her eye. "He...It was bad, Carol. He wasn't himself, but yet he was. He knew it was happening. I was the first one he told that he was going down hill. He didn't even tell Elizabeth until near the end. he was terrified to leave his girls."

"I forgot he had another little one. Ella right?" Carol asked.

"Yes. She's so precious." Susan sighed. "She looks like Mark." Tears welled up in her eyes, "I miss him so much, Carol."

"I know, Susan." Carol took her hand and squeezed as she watched the tears slid down her cheeks.

"These stupid hormones." Susan whispered.

"It's not the hormones and it's all right to cry." Carol said, "I cried for weeks when I heard. God, even Doug did."

"Doug doesn't cry." Susan sniffled.

"This time he did." Carol said.

"I thought it'd get easier." Susan said, "I thought the pain of loosing my best friend who heal, but the hole is still as big as it was the day I found out." Susan started to sob this time.

"Oh look what I've done." Carol gathered Susan in her arms.

"D-Don't leave me, Carol!!" Susan sobbed. Carol couldn't help but to smile. This part was definitely her hormones.

"I got to at least for now." Carol said. "But I promise to talk to Doug about moving back. he is looking for a new job and Chicago does have good schools." Susan pulled away her face was red and puffy.

"Thank you, Carol." Susan whimpered wiping her face.

"What are friends for?" She chuckled, "Go inside and wash your face. You'll feel better."

"Yes, Mummy." Susan pulled her tired body up and went inside. Carol sighed. Lord, would Doug freak out when she proposed this idea to him? Oh probably, but she didn't care.

September 7th, 2004

Week 22

Luka was starting to get nervous. The baby would be here in twelve weeks. That seemed long to any average person, but when you were expecting a baby, Luka knew that flew fast. Then he would have another life he had to take care of. Another life that could slip away from him in an instant. 

He stood in the nursery staring at the sheep that adorned everything. Since He and Susan didn't know the sex of the baby, a sheep theme seemed to be fitting. He sighed again picking up one of the stuffed sheep.

"Oh I'm so scared, moj andjeo." Luka whispered. Tears started to fill his blue eyes. Susan stood in the doorway.

"Moj andjeo? What does that mean?" She asked. Luka was startled. he didn't know she had been listening.

"My Angel." he mumbled wiping his eyes. Susan stepped into the room.

"Luka, are you crying?" She asked him. He shook his head.

"No. I was just looking at the baby's things thinking about him or her." He told her. Susan stepped around the crib and saw the tears.

"Don't lie to me, Luka." She said. He looked at her.  
"I'm just nervous." Luka admitted to his wife. "I don't want to loose any of you." Susan took his hand and placed it on her belly.

"You're not going to loose us." Susan said, "The three of us will be in your life forever. you're going to get bored with us."

"Never." he chuckled weakly.

"Come on. Let's go have some dinner." Susan said. "it's cooking and Suzie is starving. She's about the gnaw her arm off."

"We couldn't have that now could we?" Luka asked her as they walked down stairs.

* * *

"And then Jodi told the teacher that she was too old to play with the clay. She sneezed and boogers came flying out of her nose all over Mrs. White!!" Suzie cackled. Susan grimaced. "She was covered in Jodi's snot! It was all green and gross!"

"Suzie, we're trying to eat. I don't want any disgusting talk." Susan said. She enjoyed her food and she didnt want to throw it up. With how this pregnancy was going she probably would. Luka chuckled.

"I like disgusting talk like Little ducklings farting." He said. Suzie laughed louder.

"The bubbles in the water will pop them out." She said. Luka laughed.  
"Please." Susan smothered her laughs from Suzie.

"Little duckling farts." Suzie giggled. Susan looked at Luka.

"This is what you want to hang on to?" She asked.

"Yes. Every bit of it." Luka forked some turkey into his mouth. He didn't care what kind of talk was going on at the table. Any talk was better than none. He hated all those lonely nights that he sat at his kitchen table staring at the empty seats. Now, there would never be another emoty sea tin his life again.

* * *

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	17. Talk

****

September 21st, 2004

Week 26

Susan loved it when there were birthdays in the ER. No matter whose it was they always had cake. Sam celebrated her 27th birthday and Susan must have eaten half of the cake. She loved being pregnant.

"When's Alex's birthday?" Susan asked as she sat at the desk. She mostly did deskwork now. Being on her feet was too hard lately. Sam smirked.

"It's in March." She said walking away. Susan sighed.

"Too bad." She rubbed her belly. This child wasn't taking up enough space. She still ate twenty-four hours a day. Susan got off of her chair to look for her husband, but A man ran into the ER, bleeding from his head.

"I'VE BEEN SHOT!!" He screamed. Susan made a b-line to the man.

"Sam, get a gurney." Susan stared at the man and his bleeding head. She grabbed some gauze and applied it to his head. Sam rolled a gurney up and they helped the man up. "Can you tell me what happened, Sir?"

"That bitch shot me!" He yelled. Susan stayed calm.

"Lily, get two pints of O-Neg." She said, "Pupils are fixed and dilated. Can you tell me your name? Page Corday."

"Jackson." He said, "God it hurts."

"I'll give you some morphine." Susan said. He was pretty calm for just being shot. He was probably in shock. "Who shot you, Jackson?"

"My girl." He said. "She was bugging about my kissing her sister."

"I see." Susan said as Elizabeth walked in.

"What have we got here?" She asked.

"GSW to the head. He seems to be pretty coherent." Susan said as a woman walked into the trauma room.

"Jack! You're a bastard." She snapped.

"Oh fuck." Jackson pushed Elizabeth away as the woman lifted up a gun. Susan's eyes went wide.

"Security!!" She yelled as the woman pulled the trigger. She fired the gun four times. Susan hit the floor behind the gurney. Another gunshot went off. Then there was silence. Security grabbed the woman and dragged her out.

"Is everyone all right?" Elizabeth stood up and looked at Jackson. There were four gunshots to his chest. "Shit." Susan stood up.

"My god." She ran her hand through her hair, "That's not what I needed today." Elizabeth's eyes widened.

"Susan, you're bleeding!" Elizabeth put her hand on Susan's stomach. Susan stared at Elizabeth's hand. It was covered in blood.

"Oh my god." Susan went pale. She was shot. Her stomach was bleeding. "The baby..." She mumbled as she passed out.

* * *

Luka sat in the surgical waiting room. His heart was pounding in his chest. Suzie was in the daycare. He felt sick to his stomach. Susan had been shot. He could loose the baby and her. Elizabeth walked into the room.

"Luka?" She said softly. Luka stood up.

"How is she?" He asked.

"She's fine. The bullet missed everything vital. It didn't even come close to the baby." Elizabeth said. Luka let out a deep breath.

"They're both fine, Luka." Elizabeth said, "She's in post-op right now and you may see her."

"Thank you. Thank you so much Elizabeth." Luka walked out of the room. His heart was still beating rapidly. He walked into the room and Saw Susan laying in bed. His body shuddered as He took her hand. "Susan?"

"Mmmmm...." She mumbled as Luka kissed her forehead.

"Susan, I'm right here." Luke said. Susan slowly opened her blue eyes.

"The baby.." She mumbled.

"The baby is just fine and so are you." Luka said.

"The bullet just." Susan yawned.

"Elizabeth got the bullet." Luka said, "Get sleep. I will stay right here." Susan nodded slowly. Luka took her hand and watched her drift off into a drug induced sleep. She was okay. Susan and the baby were okay. Luka wasn't going to lose them. He had to keep reminding himself that.

October 4th, 2004

Week 28

When Susan was released from the hospital, Luka made her stay in her room and relax. He treated her like a China doll. Susan didn't mind for the first week, but she was feeling a lot better. Sure she was sore some days, but considering what happened, she was good.

Even on her birthday, Luka wanted her to take it easy. She didn't blame him, but still. She didn't turn thirty-six every day, so She went out. Okay, she went to eat dinner with Abby and Jing-Mei, but it was still great. Suzie ran into the living room.

"Carol is on the phone." She said handing Susan the phone.

"Thank you, Pumpkin." Susan smiled. "Hey there."

"Hey, Preggo." Carol smiled on the other end, "I'm just checking in and making sure you're all right." Susan groaned.

"I wish people would stop asking me that." She said.

"Well you were shot, Susan." Carol said, "You scared the shit out of me and I never want to receive a phone call like that again."

"I'm sorry." Susan said.

"Now that I'm done scolding, I've got good news." Carol said, "Doug, the girls, and myself are moving back to Chicago."

"Are you serious? Doug agreed to it?" She laughed.

"He agreed and is actually looking forward to it." Carol said.

"Are you coming back to County as well?" Susan asked. She heard Carol cackle.

"No way." She said, "I'll go to Mercy if I need to pick up a few shifts but I'm perfectly content with being a stay at home mother."

"I never thought that day would come." Susan chuckled.

"It's wonderful. You have to try it someday." Carol said.

"Well, I'll have six weeks off for maternity leave so we'll see how I enjoy it." Susan said. "So, when are you coming?"

"Next month. Just in time for Thanksgiving and to see you pop." Carol chuckled and then groaned, "Mae is awake so I should get going."

"All right. Thank you for calling." Susan said, "Call when you arrive in Chicago."

"Oh I will." She said with a chuckle, "I love you, Susie-Q."

"I love you too, C-Bomb." Susan chuckled as she hung the phone up. She was in shock. She didn't think Doug would actually agree to moving back.

"Are those girls coming back, Mommy?" Suzie asked.

"What girls?" Susan asked rubbing her belly. Suzie rolled her eyes as if Susan was supposed to read her mind.

"Tess and Kate." Suzie said. Susan's face brightened up and nodded.

"Yes, they're moving here next month." She said. Suzie grinned.

"Good cause I liked playing with them." She skipped away. Susan smiled softly. She was happy Suzie enjoyed them as much as she did.

* * *

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	18. Nightmare

****

October 18th, 2004

Week 30

__

Susan padded down the hallway. She felt a so large. She couldn't wait for her pregnancy to be over with. She wanted to see if this was a girl or a boy. Susan sat on the toilet and began to go to the bathroom. She now knew why pregnant women complain about peeing all the time. She couldn't seem to stop.

"MOMMYYY!!!!!!" Suzie screamed from her bedroom. Susan jumped.  
"Christ, Child, wake up the whole neighbourhood." She flushed the toilet and hauled herself up.  
"Mommy!!" Suzie continued to scream.  
"I'm coming! Luka, are you still asleep?" Susan groaned. There was no response. it was just like Luka to sleep through Suzie's screams. She waddled to Suzie's room. "What is it?" She turned the light on. Suzie wasn't in bed, "Suzie?"

"Mommy! Please!!!" Suzie screamed. A chill ran down Susan's spine. Those weren't nightmare screams. There was fear clear in it. Susan couldn't run. She walked briskly to her bedroom.

"Luka, wake up." Susan flipped on the lights. Luka was in bed. The blanket was wrapped tightly around him, "Luka?" She walked over to him. His hand was draped over the edge. a red liquid was trickling down his fingers. Susan's body began to shake. "Luka?" She whispered pulling back the blanket. He was lying there in a pool of blood. He was cut from groin to throat. "LUKA!!!!" She stumbled back. her entire body was shaking.

"MOMMY!!!!" Suzie screamed. Susan spun around.  
"DONT HURT MY BABY!!!!" She screamed, tears dripped down her cheeks. Susan wrapped her arm around her belly. "DONT HURT HER YOU FUCKER!!!!" She ran into the living room, "Suzie?? Suzie, Where are you?" Susan looked around the living room. her heart was racing with fear. There was silence. No screaming. No whimper. just pure silence. Susan walked slowly to the kitchen. The hairs stood up on the back of her neck. "Suzie?" She whispered as she flipped the lights on. "Oh god." Suzie was on the kitchen table, cut the same way Luka was. "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yes." A man grabbed Susan from behind. Susan struggled from his grasp.

"You fucker!!" She screamed, "You killed them!!"

"And I'm going to kill you." He said. Susan turned and began to run. But the floor was covered in blood as she slipped to the ground.

"No!!!! Nooo!!!" She shrieked. The man grabbed her feet and dragged her closer to him. He held the knife above her stomach.

"How do you feel about a c-section?" He asked.  
"NO!!!" Susan screamed, kicking her legs.

* * *

"Christ." Luka grunted as Susan kicked him out of bed. He glanced at her. She was thrashing around in bed. He shook her gently. "Susan, wake up."

"Don't take him!!!" She screamed. Luka shook her harder.

"Susan, wake up." he said. She slowly opened her blue eyes.

"Dead." She whimpered.  
"No ones dead." Luka said. Susan's eyes focused on him.

"You're....You're alive." She whispered.

"Of course I'm alive." Luka said. Susan threw off her blankets and got out of bed.

"Suzie??" She called out running to her bedroom.

"Shhhh." Luka went after her. Susan went into the bedroom and turned the lights on. Suzie was sleeping soundly. "Don't wake her up." Luka turned them off. Susan's lips quivered.

"The two of you were murdered." She said.

"We're not dead." he said kissing her cheek, "Let's get back to bed." She nodded slowly. That nightmare had spooked her. She would kill herself if anything happened to Luka or Suzie.

November 1st, 2004

Week 32

Susan was getting excited. Luka's birthday was in six days and she had plans. It involved Carol taking Suzie for the night and a few cans of whip cream. She had to have sex when she could get it. Once the baby came, she wouldn't have time.

"It looks beautiful." Carol said peering into the nursery.

"It took us long enough to do it all." Susan said, "Have you painted the girls' room yet?" Carol shook her head.

"We haven't even unpacked yet." She chuckled. "The twins want a ballerina theme, so we're thinking about that. Doug isn't too happy with all the pink though. With Mae, I think I'm just going to have a simple white and yellow room. That way when she's older, she can pick her own theme and it'll be easier to redo."

"Good idea." Susan said waddling down the stairs. "Suzie is happy with her room."

"It's good when they're happy." She said, "Okay, show me the big outfit." Susan chuckled as she opened the downstairs closet.

"Okay. Keep in mind I am very pregnant." She said.

"As if I couldn't tell." Carol looked Susan up and down as she pulled out a bag.

"Funny." Susan said reaching into the back and pulled out a very sheer blue nighie, "Here is the nighty." She handed it to Carol, "And here are the panties." Carol stared at all the sheer material.  
"Girl, if you weren't pregnant, I'd say you were going to get pregnant." Carol chuckled.

"You don't think it's too much for a pregnant woman?" Susan asked.

"Nope. I think you'll look smashing." Carol said. "Just don't induce labour." Susan smiled as she put the clothes away.

"Yeah. I'm going to try not to." She said closing the door. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me more than one." Carol said wrapping her arm around Susan's waist. She led her to the living room.

"When you were pregnant, did you have nightmares?" Susan asked, "I've been having a lot lately." Carol nodded.

"Oh yes. With Mae, I had violent nightmares." Carol said, "They got so bad, I refused to sleep. Doug had a hard time with it too."

"What were they about?" Susan asked. She hated nightmares with a passion.

"Mostly about the girls dying." Carol said, "I had one once where I was driving and the car stalled. A man came and helped me, but just as I was getting into the car, He grabbed me and raped me." Susan shivered.

"I've been having dreams where the kids and Luka are murdered." She said. Carol patted her leg.

"It's normal and trust me, it doesn't taper off when the baby gets here." She said, "Then the nightmares turn into are they breathing? You forgetting the baby some where and stuff like that."

"Oh great." Susan said. Carol chuckled as she patted her friend's leg.

"Don't worry. You'll do just fine." She said softly. Susan sighed.

"I hope you're right." She said. God, Susan was getting more nervous as the days went on. She knew she could be a wonderful aunt, but how good of a mother could she be? She feared that she would screw up.

* * *

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	19. Moo Moo

****

November 29th, 2004

Week 36

When snow fell, The ER began to become slow. Apparently no one felt like hurting himself or herself in weather like this. Luka didn't mind.

"Catch." Frank threw an ace bandage roll at Luka. He caught it and stared oddly at it, "We're playing Bandage Ball."

"Oh right." Luka smiled.

"Something wrong?" Frank asked.

"You don't want to hear my problems." Luka threw the bandage to Malik and walked down the hallway.

"I'll be right back guys." Frank followed Luka. Normally he wouldn't care how Luka was feeling, but being a father himself, he could tell the nervousness signs. "How's Susan doing?" Luka glanced at Frank.

"She's great." He said going into the supply closet.

"And you?" Frank asked. Luka glanced at him. He knew where he was going with this.

"I'm fine. A little anxious I guess...and scared." He said, "But it'll be fine." Frank nodded.

"Yeah. It'll be just fine." He said, "And if you need anything, you can holler for me." Luka smiled softly.

"Thank you. That means a lot coming from you." He said.

"I thought it might, but don't tell anyone that I'm nice." Frank winked leaving Luka alone. Luka shook his head. Sometimes days got weird. He leaned against the wall. He really was more than anxious. He was scared. He wouldn't loose this baby. He couldn't loose this baby.

"Luka?" Susan stuck her head into the closet. Luka jumped.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I was antsy and I need to walk." She said rubbing her stomach.

"In the middle of a snowstorm?" He took her hand and led her to the admit desk, "I'll get you some hot chocolate. You're frozen."

"Luka, I'm fine." Susan said.

"You can't do this, Susan." Luka said, "You're about to give birth."

"And?" Susan crossed her arms.  
"You're in trouble, Dr. K." Morris chuckled looking at the charts. Luka narrowed his eyes.  
"Go away. Go far far away." Luka said.  
"I'm looking for a patient." Morris said.

"There's a bowel impaction in five." Luka told him, "Go do that."

"Luka, what's your problem?" Susan asked.

"You have four weeks left until your due date." Luka said as if Susan didn't know. "It's snowing outside. Did you at least take the El." Susan narrowed her eyes.  
"I took the El but I got off a stop early." Susan said, "I wanted to go for a walk and it's no big deal if I go into labour right now. I'm far enough a long where the baby will be okay."

"That's so irresponsible of you!" Luka cried.

"Oh my god. Don't be so over protective! I'm sorry that your family died, Luka! But that's no reason to take it out on me!!!" Susan snapped pulling her achy body up. Luka stood there staring at her. Susan sighed, "I'm sorry."

"No. You're right." he said, "I care too much about your well being. I shouldn't. That's what you're saying."

"No it's not." She said, "I just want you to know, I will be fine. The baby will be fine. You don't have to worry."

"It's hard not to worry." Luka admitted.  
"I know." Susan touched his cheek, "but try, for me, okay?"

"Okay." Luka muttered. It'd be hard to not worry about Susan or the kids. He was afraid of loosing them like his other family. He had to try to remember to not voice his concerns as much.

December 13th, 2004

Week 38

She was a whale. She was a frigging beached whale. That's what Susan felt like. She had gained so much weight in the past two weeks she thought she was going to pop. Frankly, she wanted to.

"Mommy, I'm hungry." Suzie bounced on her feet.

"So am I." She said. "Want some ham sandwiches?" Suzie nodded. Susan waddled to the kitchen with Suzie.

"Santa is coming soon." Suzie said. Susan nodded, "He's gonna get me tons and tons of presents."

"As long as You've been a good girl this year." He said.

"I know. I have been." Suzie said.

"How so?" She asked getting some bread out.

"Well, the other day Tessa and Kate were colouring on Aunt Carol's table and I told on them." Suzie said.

"Well. tattling isn't a very nice thing to do either." Susan said. Suzie groaned loudly.

"But I saved her table." She said.

"Very true." Susan chuckled. Suzie watched Susan dress up the sandwiches. "I think Santa will be very good to you."

"Can we make him a sandwich?" Suzie asked.

"You don't want to leave him some cookies?" Susan frowned slightly.

"No." Suzie said, "Imagine how sick he's gonna feel? Everyone is gonna feed him cookies. I'm gonna get him something healthy. We don't want him having a heart attack." Susan laughed.

"Very well. You're smart." She said. "What kind do you want to make him?" Suzie thought for a moment.

"I think a ham sandwich with potato chips would be cool. Maybe some soda." She said, "Do you think he's like that?"

"I think Santa would absolutely love it." Susan said putting Suzie's sandwich on a plate. "Okay, sit and eat."

"Okay." Suzie took the plate and sat at the kitchen table. "How come Luka works a lot?"

"Cause we need money to buy food." Susan said easing herself down in a chair. "And you need to wear clothes."

"I could go naked." She said. Susan laughed softly.

"I love you, but I don't want to see that." Susan said. Suzie rolled her eyes as she munched on her sandwich.

"I love living here." She said.

"Why is that?" Susan asked her.

"Cause I get food." Suzie licked the mayo off of her lips. Susan sighed softly, "And hugs."

"Your mother loves you, Suzie." Susan asked.

"I know you do." She giggled.

"Susan." Susan said softly. Suzie looked at her, "I'm serious. Chloe loves you. That's why she let you live here and that's why she let Luka and I legally be your mom and dad." Suzie sighed slightly glancing out the window.

"I know that." Suzie said, "I just...I love it here more." Susan smiled.

"I'm glad you do baby. So does Luka." She said. She was glad Suzie loved living her. Frankly, Susan was thankful, but she just wanted to scream sometimes. She wanted to scream at Chloe. How could anyone treat a beautiful little girl badly?

* * *

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	20. Birth of a butterfly

****

December 27th, 2004

Week 40

Christmas had been wonderful. Luka and Susan had spoiled Suzie of course. She deserved it of course. She never had a good one before. Susan had received many gifts also. Luka wanted her to feel good in the last few days of her pregnancy.

"Suzie, pick this stuff up." Susan waddled into the living room, looking at the mess that still lay beneath the Christmas tree.

"I like it there though." Suzie moaned as she went to the tree.

"You have a bedroom upstairs. Please use it.' Susan eased herself into the chair.

"Fine." Suzie gathers some of her things; "I'll be back later." Susan laughed rubbing her belly watching Suzie leave.

"She's a good girl." Susan said to her belly, "I'm sure you're going to be a good girl too." The baby gave a soft kick.

"Want some tea?" Luka stood in the doorway. Susan glanced over her shoulder.

"Yes please." Susan smiled. Luka walked back into the kitchen.

"It'll be ready in a second." Luka called out. Susan nodded taking a deep breath in. A contraction tore through her body.

"Oh god." Susan clutched her stomach as the pain began to subside slightly. "Is it time?"

"Here you go." Luka handed her the mug.

"Thanks." Susan took a sip, "Guess what?"

"What?" Luka looked at her.

"I had a contraction." Susan told him. Luka's eyes widened.

"Wh-WHat?" Luka whispered. Susan chuckled as she saw her water begin to drink down her legs.

"My water just broke too." She said looking at her legs, "Will you look at that."

"Oh my god!" Luka gasped, "Oh my god."

"Can you get Suzie in the car?" Susan chuckled as she stood up.  
"Y-Yeah." Luka gasped running out of the room. Susan shook her head. It was time. Susan was going to have a baby.

11:15am

Susan felt okay. Her contractions did hurt, but what did she expect? Luka walked in.

"I called my father and he's very excited. He's going to look into plane tickets to the states." Luka said as he sat on the bed. Susan smiled.

"It would be so cool to meet him." Susan said.

"He's a great man." Luka said, "Cookie is taking Suzie our for lunch."

"I have plenty of time." Susan whispered. A contraction started to coarse through her body, "Maybe..."

"Breath." Luka took her hand. Susan groaned squeezing his hand tightly. It was a full minute before she started to relax.

"I want my mom." Susan whispered.

"I'll get her when She and Suzie comes back." Luka said softly.

"Thanks." Susan whispered, "Is this how Danjiela was? In all this pain?"

"Yes." Luka smiled softly, "She refused drugs, as you are...All the pain was worth it though."

"I can't wait to hold Annabella or Dmitri in my arms." She said, To touch it, to listen to it's cries."

"Words can't describe it." Luka said.

"So everyone keeps telling me." Susan smiled weakly.

2:33 pm

Susan was in pain. The contractions were utterly horrible. They seemed to get worse and worse. She moaned as Dr. Coburn walked in.

"How are you doing?" She asked as she put her gloves on.

"I'm uncomfortable and I want to have this baby now." Susan moaned.

"Well, Let me see how much you're dilated." Janet said.

"I've been at this for five hours. There has to be an end to this." Susan whimpered. Janet smiled as she examined Susan.

"Well, you're only five centimeters along." Janet said. Susan moaned loudly, "You probably have another good five hours left."

"Oh God." Susan wiped tears from her eyes. Janet smiled softly.

"Don't worry." Janet smiled, "She or he will come soon enough."

"I know." Susan whispered. Janet smiled.

"Just hold on tight." She said walking out of the room. Susan whimpered once again. This was taking too much time. Luka walked back in.

"I have some water and ginger ale.' Luka said. Susan began to cry. "Susan?"

"I w-want this baby out."

"Soon." Luka said softly. "How dilated are you?"

"Five fucking centimeters." Susan moaned. Luka sighed.

"Soon, Darling. I promise." Luka said wrapping his arms around her. She cried softly into his chest, "Don't worry."

"I want him or her now. Why is it taking so long?" She asked. Luka smiled.

"because they're so comfortable living in you." Luka said, "They're all warm."

"Annabelle or Dmitri will be warm in my arms." Susan said. Luka pushed her hair off of her forehead.

"but they don't know that yet." Luka said. I want the four of us to be in a nice family." Susan whispered, "The perfect family."

4:30 pm

Luka took Susan's hand as she got out of bed. Janet suggested that she'd go for a walk to help the labour along.

"Take it slow." Luka said.

"No shit." Susan squeezed his hand as she shuffled out of the room.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked. Susan groaned slightly.

"Not the ER please." She said. Luka smiled as he rubbed her back, "Let's see the babies."

"Okay." he said leading her to the nursery. Susan finally began to smile when she saw the babies.

"Annie or Tri is going to be there soon." Susan said.

"Very soon." Luka kissed her shoulder.

"Do you think our future son in law or daughter in law is into here?" Susan asked.

"Probably but the baby isn't going to date ever." Luka said.

"I don't think you'll be able to stop that." Susan said as she felt her stomach began to tense up. She groaned loudly as she started to keel over. Luka grabbed her.

"Breathe deeply." Luka said massaging her back.

"Oh god." Susan moaned. he held her tightly.

"Don't swear in front of the babies." Luka said.

"Fuck...Off..." She cried loudly.  
"Sorry." Luka smiled. Susan's body soon began to relax. She wiped her brow, "Are you okay." She nodded.

"I want to go back to the room" She whispered.

"All right. Come on." Luka kissed her hand and led her back to the room.

"How do people have eight kids?" She asked. Luka chuckled as they walked in the room.

"I don't know but soon we'll have one together." Luka gave her a reassuring smiled. Somehow, Susan felt better.

6:45pm

Cookie kissed Susan's forehead as she cried. She tried soothing her daughter.

"You're eight centimeters. it'll happen.' Cookie said. Susan groaned. She wanted everyone to stop saying that.

"I don't think I can handle this." Susan moaned.

"You can do it." She said, "If I could have two and if Chloe could have one, you can have this one."

"I'm so scared, Ma." Susan said.

"I know, Baby.' Cookie smiled, "I'm so excited to be a grandmother again. I get to sugar them up and send them home."

"Yeah, I've noticed that about you." Susan said softly, "I...just...God..."

"Contraction?" Cookie asked.

"God...Shit." Susan moaned. Cookie tense up. She knew how Susan felt.

"Breath. Breathe through your nose and out your mouth." Cookie said.

"Shut up." Susan moaned. The contractions were getting longer and more painful. Soon, Susan began to relax.

"Want me to go get Luka?" Cookie asked. Susan nodded.

"Please. I need him.' Susan said, "I can't do this without him."

9:37 pm

Luka stared at Susan. She was groaning loudly. Tiny little squeaks came out of her after each groan. She shifted in bed.

"Susan?" Luka looked at her, "Are you okay?"

"There's so much pressure.' Susan groaned. Luka bit his lip watching her. Janet walked in.

"How are you feeling?" She asked putting her gloves on. Susan could only groaned, "I see." Janet sat in front of her.

"She said there was a lot of pressure." Luka said as Janet examined her.

"And rightly so." Janet said, "She's ten centimeters." Susan's eyes widened.

"Really?" She asked. Janet nodded as the nurses began to get everything ready.

"Yes, really." Janet said, "You may start pushing on the next contraction."

"Really?" Susan whispered. Janet only chuckled. Luka stared at Susan.

"We're going to have a baby." Luka said.

"Finally." Susan whispered tearfully. She could feel her next contraction, "oh god."

"Push, Susan." Janet said as she got her gown on. Luka took her hand.  
"Push, baby." Luka said. Susan groaned as she finally began to push.  
"God," Susan moaned loudly. She pressed her chin to her chest.

"Push." Luka whispered. He held her hand tightly. This was it. He couldn't believe it. Susan began to relax.

"Oh Lord..." She whispered, "I can't do this."

"Sure you can." Janet sat in front of her, "In a few pushes you're going to have a daughter or son. you're already crowning."

"Good." Susan moaned. She didn't find this fun one bit. She began to tense p again. Susan squeezed Luka's hand so hard he let out a small yelp. Susan gave him a look.

"Sorry," he mumbled as Susan pushed.

"That's it, Susan." Janet said, "I can see that it has some beautiful brown hair."

"Good." Susan moaned.

"You're doing beautifully." Janet said, "Wonderful job." Susan grunted as she pushed hard. Her face was turning red.

"Soon, Darling." Luka said.

"Shut up. I don't need to hear you right now." Susan snapped, "I just want to have this damn baby out."

"It's head is almost out." Janet said, "Give me another good push."

"Oh god." Susan groaned as she began to push.

"There you go, Susan. Suction." Janet said, "Gorgeous."

"Can I see?" Luka asked.

"Sure." Janet smiled. Luka took a few step and looked between Susan's legs. He gasped. He saw such a beautiful face.

"Wow." Luka whispered. Susan began o groan.

"Luka. I need you." Susan cried. he ran back to her side.

"I'm here, Baby." he held her hand, "Push baby."

"Oh God!!" Susan yelled. it burned. She felt like she was on fire.

"That's it, Susan." Janet said, "you're almost there."

"So tired.' Susan moaned.

"You can rest soon." Luka said, "Just wait until the baby is here."

"Oh god." She moaned. her body trembled as she pushed.

"Almost, Susan." Janet said, "one more push.  
'One more." Susan whispered. She gritted her teeth and found the strength to push more. She grunted and cried out as Janet pulled the baby from Susan, "Oh god!!!"

"It's a girl." Janet smiled as she cleaned the baby with a towel.

"Oh wow." Luka watched with large eyes as Janet put the baby on Susan's chest. She was so gorgeous. She had brown hair and large blue eyes.

"Annabella..." Susan whispered. Luka stared at his brand new daughter, "Perfect."

11:55 pm

Cookie knocked on the door as she led Suzie in.

"Come meet her." Susan smiled holding the baby. Suzie ran to the bed, "Meet your new sister, Annabella Joy Kovac."

"She's so cute." Suzie said staring at the baby, "She's perfect." Luka was beaming proudly. Everything was falling into place. Luka was getting his family back.

* * *

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	21. Wonderfu

****

January 10th, 2005

Words couldn't describe how wonderful Luka's life was with Annabella in it. He had forgotten the joy of seeing a baby discover new things. He had forgotten how strong a baby's grip was. When Annabelle's fingers curled around his, his heart went soaring.

"Come here, Pumpkin belly." Luka picked Annabella up out of her crib. The baby gurgled as Luka put her on the dressing table to get her all beautiful before Susan got out of the shower.

"Can I help?" Suzie asked. Luka nodded.

"Go pick out something pretty for Anna to wear." He said. Suzie skipped to the closet and began to look. Luka smiled down at his daughter. Annabella cooed softly staring at Luka with her blue eyes.

"Here, Daddy." Suzie handed him the purple dress and sweater Carol and Doug had got her.

"Perfect." He said pulling the dress on over Annabella's head.

"Here's a purple bow for her hair." Suzie said.

"Okay, hold on." He put Annabella's sweater on. Luka picked Annabella up and let Suzie slide the bow onto her head. "Very good."

"She's so pretty." Suzie said. Luka nodded.

"She's beautiful. Go get your shoes on." He walked down the hallway to their bedroom. He listened to Susan's blow dryer drying her hair. "She's all dressed." Susan looked at Annabella and grinned brightly.

"What a pretty little girl." She took the baby. She was there for Suzie when she was this small. She saw Suzie grow, but holding her own child in her arms was much more powerful than anyone had told her it would be. "Is Suzie ready?"

"Yeah." Luka told his wife.  
"These pictures are going to be wonderful." Susan said.

Annabella was screaming as the photographer started to take pictures. Susan groaned as she bounced the baby. She just wasn't having all of this attention.

"Come on, baby." Susan whispered, "Mommy wanted some pictures of you."

"Maybe we should try this at another time." Luka said.

"But I wanted pictures to hand out to everyone at work." Susan said almost in tears. Luka smiled.

"We'll just get her hospital photo done in multiples." He said. He could tell Susan was getting frustrated. "How does that sound?"

"A lot cheaper than this." Susan said rubbing her eyes. "Maybe She's hungry."

"Maybe." Luka said looking at Suzie, "Are you hungry?" She nodded.

"Very. Could we go to McDonald's?" She asked.

"If Mommy says it's okay." Luka said. Susan nodded.

"It's fine." She mumbled.

"Are you all right?" Luka asked his wife.

"I'm just frustrated and tired." Susan admitted, "I forgot how hard this was. Suzie was up at all hours. She was a screamer."

"Well, Annie is a Kovac. She'll be fine in a couple of weeks." Luka told her. Susan laughed softly.

"I really hope you're right because I need sleep soon." She said. It was true. She had forgotten what it was like with a baby in the house. She had forgotten about the screaming in the middle of the night.

January 24th, 2005

Sleep? What was sleep? Luka went to work to try to get some of it, but every time his head hit the pillow, a trauma came in. He didn't want to admit any of this tough.

"Sam, the woman in four is still here." Luka said.

"And?" She looked at him.

"I called Phsyc three hours ago for her." Luka said, "Please call again and tell them I will personally hand deliver her to them if they don't get their asses down here."

"Sure thing." Sam chuckled.

"Thank you." Luka rubbed his eyes. Okay, it was time for a nap. He shuffled to the on call room and locked the door.

He didn't want to be interrupted. He glanced at his watch. it was two am and Annabella would be getting up soon for her feeding. he smiled softly at the though. Annabella was so perfect. It was amazing feeling happy again.

Susan rocked back and forth in the rocking chair, holding Annabella to her chest. She was so tired. The child had already woken up four times in the middle of the night.

"Hush little baby don't say a word. Mommas gonna buy you a a mocking bird. If that mocking bird don't sing, momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring." Susan sang.

"If that diamond ring don't shine," Luka walked into the nursery, "Daddy's going to drink a whole lot of wine." Susan laughed softly.

"What are you doing home?" She asked.

"I couldn't stay away from my princess." Luka said walking over to the rocking chair. he grinned brightly as he stared at Annabella.

"she's perfect isn't she?" Susan asked.

"More than perfect." Luka said.

"I never knew breastfeeding would this powerful." Susan said.

"I warned you." He sat on the ataman.

"I know, but I never listened." Susan chuckled as she caressed Annabella's back. "I think I want to have twenty of these things." Luka laughed softly, rubbing Susan's knee.

"Twenty is a little much." he told her, "But I could handle a handful more." Susan nodded.

"When?" She asked.

"Whenever you're ready." Luka chuckled, "But let's enjoy Anna."

"Oh I am." Susan sighed pulling her breast away from the now sleeping baby. "Thank you for coming home."

"No problem." he said watching Susan get up and lay Annabella.

"You don't need to go back right?" She asked. Luka shook his head. "Good. I want to snuggle with you." She took his hand. Luka smiled softly. He never thought his life could be perfect, but it currently was on the verge of being perfect.

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	22. SuzieQ

February 7th, 2005

Suzie loved Annabella. She loved being a big sister. She loved showing her little sister to her friends. Luka pushed the stroller into the park. He was taking his girls to play in the snow.

"I can't wait to go swimming." Suzie said picking up some snow, "I'll take Annie."

"I'm sure you will." He said putting the break on the stroller. Suzie started to run over the snow piles, "You be careful."  
"I will!" Suzie said on top of a pile. She sat down and began to roll down the pile in a fit of giggles. She stood up and looked at Luka. He was across the park showing Annabella what snow was. Suzie ran up the snow pile again.

"Looks like you're having fun." A voice said. Suzie spun around and saw Chloe. "Hey, Squirt."

"Mommy..." Suzie smiled. She cast a glance at Annabella and Luka.

"Look how big you've gotten." Chloe said taking a step to Suzie.

"You're not my mom anymore. Aunt Suzie adopted me." She said.

"I know that, but I'll always be your mother." Chloe said.

"I'm nine. I'm not an idiot." Suzie said, "You're not supposed to be around me without supervision."

"Suzie-Q." Chloe frowned "Where is this coming from?" Suzie ran over to Luka.

"Daddy!" Suzie cried.

"Suzie!" Chloe groaned. Luka looked up and saw Chloe. His heart stopped. He pushed Suzie behind him and held Annabella tightly.

"Chloe..." he frowned.  
"I presume you're Luka?" Chloe asked. he nodded slowly. She looked at Annabella, "Who's this?"

"That's my sister." Suzie said.

"She had a baby?" Chloe asked. Luka nodded again.

"This is Annabella." Luka said, "She's Susan's and mine."

"I gathered that." Chloe said.

"You can't just stop by, Chloe." Luka said to her, "There are rules you need to follow."

"God, I know that." She said. Suzie tugged on Luka's arm.  
"Daddy I want to go home." She said. Luka nodded. So did he.

* * *

Susan heard the front door close.

"I made hot chocolate for my frozen snow bunnies." She called out.

"Susan..." Luka tried warning her before she stepped out and saw Chloe. Susan dropped the cup of coca when she saw her.

"What the hell are you doing here??" She snapped.

"I came to see my Suzie-Q." Chloe said. Luka bent down and cleaned up to coca.

"She's not yours. You gave up all right to her. I don't want you around my family, Chloe." Susan picked Annabella up.

"Oh come on." Chloe rolled her eyes, "Don't start this shit."

"Don't you dare use that kind of language in my home." Susan said, "Do you want to see her, Suzie?" The child shook her head.

"No." Suzie said, "I like my family now. I'm sorry." Chloe stared at the child.

"I gave you life and you're just going to kick me away?" She asked.  
"You didn't raise me. You kicked me away when you left me on mom's steps." Suzie said, "I'm sorry."

"Suzie, go to your room." Luka said, "I'll bring your some coca."

"Thanks." Suzie said walking down the hallway.  
"She's really grown up hasn't she?" Chloe asked.

"She's almost ten years old." Susan said, "She's been through a lot but she's in a good family now, Chloe. Luka and I are raising her the way she should be raised."

"I can't even see her?" Chloe asked.  
"When you stop by unannounced, no. Call and we'll schedule something." Susan bounced Annabella in her arms, trying not tog et angry.

"Could I see her tomorrow?" Chloe asked. Susan bit her lip.

"Give me the night to think about it." Susan said, "Where are you staying and I'll call you."

"I'm at Cookie's." Chloe said. Susan bit the inside of her cheek. How could Cookie let her stay with her?

"Fine." Susan walked to the door. "Goodbye, Chloe." She sighed opening the door. Chloe stepped out.  
"I'll call you tomorrow." Susan slammed the front door. She couldn't believe the nerve of that woman. She couldn't believe she was related to her.

February 21st, 2005

Susan's mood hadn't been too good since Chloe came for that visit. She had planned to spend a lot of fun time with Suzie, but being like herself Chloe cancelled and left without saying goodbye to Suzie. The poor child was devastated. Susan had expected that she would do as much though. She just wish Suzie never felt the pain that Chloe causes.

"Maternity leave is way too short for me. It should be like six months or something. Or hell, a year like some places get." Susan said walking up to the admit desk. Carol chuckled softly.  
"You're telling me, Sister. At least you only had one child." She said. "Coming back after the twins was so difficult."

"I can't even imagine." Susan said, "Is it normal to miss them like this? I thought it was bad leaving Suzie to the daycare workers."

"It'll get better I swear." Carol said glancing at one of her patients walking down the hallway, naked. "Or in my case, Worse. Mr. Phillips, get back here." She ran after her patient.

"Lord." Susan chuckled softly picking up a chart.

"Psst! Mommy!" Luka walked into the ER with Annabella in his arms. Susan's face immediately brightened up at the sight of her family.

"Thank heavens." She walked over to her family. She scooped Annabella up and kissed her dark hair. "God, I've missed you so much."

"How has your day been?" Luka asked. Susan sighed as she cradled the baby.

"It's been slow." She said. "I'm so happy you guys came." Susan kissed Annabella again as Carol walked up to them.

"Look at that princess." carol said. "She looks just like you Luka." Luka beamed with pride.

"I think so too." Luka said.

"His ego is terrible." Susan said as the nurses started to crowd around to look at Annabella. "He can't get through the door sometimes with how big his head gets sometimes."  
"Man, she does look like you so much, Luka." Haleh said.  
"Same exact dimples." Chuny said, "She's gorgeous."

"Thanks." Susan chuckled softly. Annabella stared at Chuny who was making a face at the baby. She smiled slightly.

"God, this makes me want to have one." She said. Susan smiled at her.

"You can baby sit the girls any time you want." She said handing the baby back to Luka, "I really need to get back to work." Luka nodded.

"I know. i need to relax before I need to come it." he smiled at his wife, "I hope you enjoyed our little stop by." Susan nodded as she kissed Luka's cheek.

"I did. Thank you so much." She said.

"No problem. I live to serve." He winked, putting Annabella back into her stroller. "Say bye to mommy, Peanut....Bye Momma."

"Bye Sweat pea." Susan chuckled.

"Adorable." Chuny said walking off to retrieve a patient.

"I know. Don't you hate it." Susan watched Luka and Annabella leave. She sighed slightly. She loved her family so much. She wanted to be with them every moment of the day. Going back to work absolutely sucked.

* * *

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	23. Love is a Big Crash

March 21st, 2005

9:34 am

Luka stared at Annabella. She was squealing and kicking her feet. She was holding her head up trying to look around the room. She was getting so big.

"You're daddy's little princess." He said rubbing her stomach. Annabella squealed louder. He couldn't wait to have more children. Okay, not anytime soon. He was the father of four children. Two of them may be dead but he was still their father. Someone was knocking on the door. Luka stood up, picking his little Annie-Bananie up. He opened the door and there stood a police officer, "May I help you?"

"Are you Luka Kovac?" he asked. Luka nodded slowly. Something was wrong.

"I am." Luka said, "Is everything okay?" The police officer shook his head.

"Your wife and daughter were in a car accident." He said. Luka's knees felt weak. He held onto Annabella tightly.

"Are…God, are they dead?" Luka croaked out.

"They weren't when they arrived at the hospital." He explained, "Your wife is in critical condition. Your daughter was rushed up to surgery to repair some internal damage. That's all the information I have." Luka nodded rushing out of the house to be with Susan and Suzie.

Luka ran into the ER. Everyone was staring at him.

"Where are they?" he snapped walking up to Abby. She looked at him sadly.  
"Susan is in Trauma one." She said, "She has a broken collar bone and several broken ribs. Her heart did stop for a moment-"

"Oh god.." Luka whispered.

"But we got it pumping again." Abby touched Luka's arm. "She's strong Luka. She may pull out of this."

"May? There's a possibility that she won't?" He asked.  
"There was a lot of head trauma." Abby explained, "She hasn't woken up yet." Tears slid down Luka's cheeks.

"S-Suzie?" He whispered.

"She's in the OR. She will need two different surgeries. She has a perforated liver and that's what they're doing right now." Abby said.

"Who's the surgeon?" Luka asked.

"Corday. You know she's wonderful." Abby said, "The next one will be on her leg. The orthopedic surgeon will do that. When she came in her, her femur was completely sticking out of her leg."

"God." Luka cried softly into Annabella's shoulders. "Wh-What happened?" Abby sighed leaning against the counter.

"A drunk trucker ran through a red light. Susan's van and another car were hit head on." Abby said.  
"How are the other people?" He asked.  
"The trucker only sustained minor bumps and scrapes, but the other car…A father and three children, were killed instantly." Abby said watching the tears, "If Susan wasn't in that van, Luka, it would have been her and Suzie too. She's very very lucky."

"How can she be lucky?" Luka whispered. Abby sighed deeply. It was hard enough telling patients this, but when it was friends…It was even harder.  
"Let me take Annabella and you can go see Susan." Abby suggested, "I will come get you when Suzie is out of surgery."

"Okay." Luka whispered, reluctantly handing Annabella over to Abby. He shuffled into the room where his wife laid at Death's doors. He stared at her. God, it didn't even look like Susan. She was pale, covered with dried blood, bruises, and scratches. There was a machine breathing for her. Luka couldn't remember off hand what it was called all his medical knowledge had been forgotten. "Susan…."

She wasn't responding. For some reason, Luka had expected her eyes to open up instantly when she heard his voice. How could this have happened? Why did things like this happen to good people?

2:56 pm

Luka hadn't taken his eyes off of his wife. He didn't have the strength to look away. She needed him here. He knew she did. Abby knocked on the door.  
"Luka?" She whispered.  
"She hasn't woken up yet." He said.  
"I know she hasn't." Abby said, "Suzie is out of surgery." Luka looked at Abby, "She's out of surgery, Luka. She is room 211."

"But Susan…" he whispered.  
"I'll stay with her." Abby said, "Go see Suzie, okay?" Luka nodded. He leaned over and kissed Susan's bruised forehead.  
"I'm going to check on Suzie, baby." he whispered getting up. He felt bad leaving her, but Suzie needed him now. He wanted to be there when she opened her blue eyes up again. Luka walked upstairs to Suzie's room. He stepped in and his lips quivered when he saw his baby. She looked so fragile. "Suzie?" She slowly opened her eyes.

"D-Daddy…" She mumbled with tears welling in her eyes.

"Oh don't cry sweetheart." Luka rushed to her side.

"I'm dead." She whispered.

"No you're not." Luka smiled weakly, kissing her forehead, "You're alive."

"M-Mommy is dead." Suzie said. Luka took in a deep breath.

"She's injured, but she's not dead." He told her, "She's sleeping and might wake up later. How do you feel?"

"I hurt." Suzie whimpered.

"Okay, I'll get the doctor to give you more medication." Luka said.

"Y-You're a d-doctor." Suzie whined.

"I know, but I'm not yours." Luka smiled, "I'll be right back, Pumpkin. Okay?"

"Okay." She whispered closing her eyes. Luka got up and walked outside. As soon as he was out of Suzie's sight, Luka began to cry. He felt so drained and so at a lost. He didn't understand why any of this had happened. Why did God target his family once again? Why did God hate him so much?

* * *

If you would like an update on my fics or just general discussion, then join my e-mail list. Just e-mail me to join 


	24. Open Your Eyes

****

Two days of no response. Not a lip twitch, not an eye lid flutter, nothing. Susan's condition had not changed at all. Luka would have been ready to kill himself if it wasn't for Suzie. She was doing so well. The surgeries that she had went well. Now it was just a wait game until she could come home. Luka wished it was like that for his wife.  
"I have a visitor." Doug knocked on the door. Luka glanced at him. Annabella was bouncing in his arms. "She wanted to see Mommy and daddy."

"Come here, Sweet thing." Luka took Annabella, "Thanks."

"No problem." he said, "Do you need anything? Carol is upstairs with Suzie."

"No. I'm fine." he said bouncing Annabella in his arms, "Susan, look who's here to see you." Luka placed Annabella on the side of Susan's bed and wrapped her arm around the cooing baby, "Feel her, Susan. She's been changing these past couple of days and I don't want you to miss it." Doug stared at them. He would be devastated if something like this happened to the four girls he loved the best.

"Want me to take Suzie up anything?" Doug asked. Luka shook his head.

"No, but thank you." Luka said, "I want to be with Suzie too but I can't leave Susan."

"I understand. Suzie does too." Doug smiled. Luka closed his eyes listening to the beep of Susan's machine and to Annabella gurgling.

"Ssssss…" A soft muffled groan began to emerge from his wife's lips. Luka's head shot up.  
"Susan, I'm here." He said, "Doug, get Abby. Susan, don't talk. You have a tube in your throat to help you breath." he watched her eyelids slowly lift. Her arm tightened around Annabella. Tears began to swell in Lukas's eyes. "God." Almost in an instant, Abby ran in.  
"Oh my god." She smiled, "Good morning sleepy head." Abby smiled pleasantly. "You were in a near fatal accident. You've been unconscious for nearly three days. We have a breathing tube to help you breath. I can take it out if you want to try to breath on your own. I have an oxygen mask if you need it, all right." Susan slowly nodded with a groan, "Okay, you know how this goes. When I say three you exhale as hard as you can." Luka picked Annabella up. "One…Two….Three." Abby pulled the tube from Susan's thought. Susan moaned loudly in pain, "I'll increase your morphine."

"Suz…" She whispered.  
"Suzie is upstairs." Luka whispered, "She has a broken leg, but she'll be fine." Susan looked at him.

"You're….crying…" God her throat was sore.

"I thought…" His lip quivered, "I thought my second family had died."

"I'm sorry." Susan said. Abby pulled up a chair.

"You had major head trauma, Susan. I need to ask you a couple of questions all right?" Abby asked. Susan nodded, "What year is it?"

"I hope still 2005." She licked her lips.

"It is." Abby chuckled, "Do you know who the three of us are?" A small smile came across Susan's face.

"Dr. Lockhart, Annie, and Dr. Kovac." She said.  
"You're doing well." Luka kissed her hand.

"Do you know what five plus three is?" Abby asked.

"Eight." Susan said, "I'm thirsty."

"I know. I'll get you some ice chips." Abby said standing up, "I'm going to have Dr. Abraham's come down and check you out and then I'd like to get another CT." Luka nodded.

"Thank you." He looked at his wife, "I can't believe you're awake."

"Me either." Susan said looking at Annabella. "I'm so tired."

"You don't have to force yourself up." Luka said, "You can sleep but promise you'll wake up again."

"I promise." She smirked. Luka watched her fall back asleep. He was so terrified that she wouldn't wake up again. He needed her to be okay.

Three days later

It was amazing to see how much Susan's health improved in the past three days. She was able to sit up and feed herself. Her breathing had improved greatly. Luka was so thankful.

"Do you have any fours?" Suzie asked looking at her hand. Susan glanced at her own.  
"Go fish." She said. Suzie fished out a card and grinned brightly. Abby knocked on the door.  
"how is everyone feeling?" She asked.  
"Great." Suzie said, "I can go home today."

"So I've heard." Abby smiled, "Susan?" She shrugged.  
"I'm just anxious to get out of here. I spend enough time here at work." Susan said. Abby nodded as she walked up to her bed.

"I still think it'll be awhile, Susan." Abby said taking her stethoscope out. "I want to do another head scan just to make sure everything is still going on nicely."

"My brain is fine." Susan said.

"Susan, you've had a serious trauma. It's amazing that you're up and playing card games, but we still have to treat this seriously." Abby said listening to Susan's heart.

"I just want to go home and be with my girls." She said.  
"I know you do." Abby smiled weakly. "I promise it'll be soon." She patted her leg and moved back to the door. "I'll check on your later before your CT." Susan glared at Abby as she left.

"I'll be right back." Luka walked out into the hallway. "Abby?"

"What?" Abby looked at him.

"How is she doing really?" He asked. She sighed crossing her arms.

"I'm happy that she's awake but her road to recovery has just began. She has a lot of physical therapy to do." Abby said. "I'm concerned about her emotional state."

"She's fine. She's just ready to be home." Luka said, "Honest. I'll put her under my full care when I get home all right?" Abby sighed deeply.

"I'll see what I can do all right?" She asked. Luka nodded.

"Thank you." He said.  
"Daddy!" Suzie screamed from inside the room. Luka ran in, heart pounding. He looked at Susan. She looked pale and unconscious.

"Susan??" He ran over to her. "Susan, wake up?" Luka checked her eyes. "Abby!!" She ran in.

"What happened?" She asked lowering Susan's bed.  
"I don't know." He said.

"Susan. Dr. Kovac. Open your eyes." Abby said. Susan mumbled. "That's it."

"Stomach.." She moaned loudly. Abby lifted Susan's gown and pressed on Susan's stomach. Susan screamed loudly.

"Shit." Abby grabbed an ultrasound from the side table.  
"Oh god." Luka stood there with wide eyes. Abby looked at the ultrasound and swore again.

"She's bleeding." She ran to the phone. "We need to bring a patient up there. She's bleeding out, but stable. Susan Kovac. She was in a MVA earlier this week…There wasn't any indication on the day….okay." Abby slammed the phone down and ran to Susan's bedside. "She needs to have surgery, Luka."

"Why? Why didn't you catch this sooner?" Luka snapped as a couple of nurses walked in.

"It may have been a slow bleed and not have shown up at the time of admittance. You know things like this happen Luka." Abby glanced at Suzie, "Everything will be okay. I promise." Luka watched as Susan was rolled away. If anything happened to Susan, he was going to sue the hell out of this hospital for not catching this sooner.


End file.
